Mosaic hearts
by nish0
Summary: Summary: Two broken people and one dark room, sometimes, a little warmth was all you need to get by. Slight ByaSana and GinRan, maybe a little HitsuMatsu. Focused on Byakuya x Rangiku only though. Rated M. A collection of scenarios that will come together to make a whole picture in the end.
1. Breaking

**Summary: **Two broken people and one dark room, sometimes, a little warmth was all you need to get by. – Byakuya x Rangiku

Rated M. No lemon/lime. A collection of scenarios that will come together to make a whole picture in the end.

**Mosaic hearts**

**Chapter 1**

**Breaking**

The door to the tenth squad office opened soundlessly. She barely noticed it until he called for her, "Matsumoto."

She sat up startled, taking in the usual cold emotionless face she knew so well. Something about him was different though, she thought. She could almost see the effort he was trying to put into keep that mask up.

"Kuchiki Taichou!" She couldn't help the note of surprise in her words.

He slowly took a step inside. "Do you have a moment?"

Her mouth gaped a little, darting her eyes towards the clock. It was 2 pm in the afternoon. _Now?_ The timing was odd. And it was his idea to never talk in public.

When her eyes were back on him, she was shocked. She had never seen him like this. His face was dark, jaw and fists clenched and eyes unearthly cold. After a moment, she nodded.

"Very well. I will see you at _the room_ in 15 mins." Instantly, he was out the door.

She let out the breath she was holding.

Slowly she tidied up the paperwork to make it look like she had just gone out to take a small break. With small steps, she left her office.

No one, in this very conspicuous part of seireitei, very conveniently knew who she or he was. Slowly, she slid the door close of the small apartment they both christened _the room_, and timidly made her way in.

It was always so dark in here.

As soon as she had crossed the threshold of the bedroom door, she was pulled into an embrace.

His arms tightened around her waist from behind and his heated lips found her skin.

"Kuchiki…"

"Don't talk." Talking wasn't something they did anyway.

His hands deftly pulled her clothes apart from behind.

"Umm… okay…" before she could finish agreeing, she was forcibly spun around on her feet to face him. He immediately devoured her mouth without giving her a chance to utter any sound.

In the next hour, she was barely able string her thoughts together as he ravaged her like a hungry animal. Every inch of her burned like she was fire; his unquenchable thirst scorched her everywhere he touched.

Selfish, wild and crazy, and all hunger and heat, that was what he was. None of his usual soft elegance was there. Stripped down from his high and honourable noble status, he bared down to a man made of only flesh and blood.

When he was done with her, they laid there for a long time. Both their hair dishevelled, entangled with each other, gold mixed in black. She laid with her face buried on the crook of his neck, hardly able move.

A moment passed between them in silence and heavy breathing, then he finally got up, sliding away from underneath her. She stayed lying on her stomach, face hidden under her thick hair.

Wordlessly, he picked up his clothes from the floor and muttered almost apologetically, "I'm sorry… Matsumoto."

She peaked through her hair, took in the sight of his muscled back in the dark room, fair skin almost glowing in sweat.

She effortfully pulled herself up, wrapping the sheet around her body. He was tying up his hakama when her hands wrapped around his middle. His body still warm and slithering in sweat. His hand stopped what they were doing.

"What happened?" she rested her forehead on his back and breathed out heavily.

He tried to pull himself free from her embrace with light touches, but she gripped him tighter. Softly, she trailed few kisses on his spine and asked again, "tell me…"

Her voice was the softest and the most soothing thing he had ever heard, as if he was a wounded child, being kissed out of his pain.

His whole body stilled.

No one talked to him like this. No one dared. Not even his wife. He felt an unbearable weight in his chest squirming to burst out.

"Byakuya…" she almost whispered his name like it was something precious. His body shuddered.

She didn't expect this.

With one hand, he barricaded himself against the world from seeing the warm tears that ceaselessly gushed out of him, he slouched down like a broken man.

She nuzzled again on his back, letting her lips lightly touch his skin.

"She's dying."

Her kisses froze, eyes widen and grip loosened around him. The sheet around her dropped to the floor and slowly she turned him around to face her.

The anguish she saw on his usually cold face was the most unnatural thing.

"Hisana is going to die…" he muttered almost inaudibly.

Slowly she touched him, tilting his face. His tears stopped when he looked at her, as if he was seeing her for the first time. She then pulled him down and kissed his wet cheeks.

She knew what to do. This unspoken understanding was why she was here in the first place.

She continued kissing.

Slowly, they sunk deep into each other once again.

…

The funeral was yesterday. Matsumoto Rangiku slowly made her way towards the office, keeping herself away from the heavy rain as much as possible.

Something at the corner of her vision caught her attention, and she looked. Kuchiki Byakuya was walking towards his own office. She felt a little surprised at the fact that he was working on the day after his wife's funeral. But it was Kuchiki Byakuya, something like that shouldn't surprise her.

Across the little opening that housed a small koi pond, their eyes met for a second. He looked away as if she wasn't someone he knew. She was just a random passer-by.

She concentrated on her own strides. She already knew that she wasn't anything more than that.

That afternoon was the last she saw him. Her ways did wonder sometimes, and ended at _the room_ once in a while. But all she did there, was drinking sake by herself. It was a place that held their secret, and sometimes all she wanted, was to be one, hidden in the dark. It was comforting even without him around.

She understood very well the part of him that needed her once. She also understood why he never let it out again since that day. Guilt and grief, the two most powerful emotions, and he wasn't much for dealing them to begin with.

She, on the other hand, was getting better at it. Gin's games and avoidance rarely got to her now. And when it ached too much, sake was a friend. Sex would've been better, but she'd live.

It was fun while it lasted.

He didn't need her anymore. She didn't need him either.

The heavy down pour of that afternoon all but dampened her mood, as she lazily eyeballed the paper in front of her.

"Kuchiki Taichou was a mess." Her attention shifted immediately towards the passing couple of shinigamis outside her window. "I've heard he hadn't eaten or slept since her death. That poor man."

Oh, the compulsion to comfort! She was so used to being there for everyone, it sickened her a little. But he was hurting, and she knew she needed to repay her debt one day.

"Sometimes all you need is a little distraction, Kuchiki Taichou."

No greetings, no sorries or condolences, she was always straight to the point.

That was the reason why she was what she was, a touch that healed his wounds. So, he didn't even flinch when he locked the door behind her.

She left him sleeping on his couch after few hours. If what she heard was true, this would be his first real sleep in days.

She knew she wasn't making a mistake, no matter how much it looked like one. His mended pieces were back in place the next day, back to being strangers.

She chuckled slightly to herself.

Fun days were over. Although, she sometimes wondered if he took someone else to _the room. _

When she found out he had adopted his wife's long lost sister, she couldn't help feeling a little happy for him. Finally, he wasn't alone. She had started feeling selfish after finding her own bit of happiness, the new white haired little plaything call Hitsugaya Toshiro. Whenever Gin's taunting and seeing-through-her got to her, the little boy never failed to put her back on track. Him and sake, let's not forget about that bit of magic.

And for years, the secret laid forgotten in that _room,_ where once two broken people used each other to put pieces of themselves back in place.

…


	2. Invisible

**Chapter 2**

**Invisible**

_Rangiku tiptoed inside the office of the third squad captain. His silver hair tresses moved a little, and his squinted eyes registered her figure against the golden light of the setting sun._

_The ever present smirk on his lips widen, "Matsumoto Fukutaichou, what can I do for you today?"_

_She used all her charms and glamour in her strides as she approached, and in slow motion she placed her hand on his desk. Her voice was deep and husky when she whispered, "something that you haven't for a while Ichimaru Taichou."_

_She leaned forward to make sure the opening on her collar was wide enough for a good view._

_He didn't even look there._

_Slowly he cocked his head sideways and continued with an amused tone. "And what could that be, I wonder?"_

_She blinked, and despite her palpitating heart, she smiled mysteriously. He always had ways to get under her skin, but she was equally skilled at dodging his effects, to a certain extent._

_She slowly walked around the table and stopped next to him. Bending forward she slid her hand down his shoulder to his chest. "Oh. You want me to remind you?" her lips brushed his ear lightly._

_Without losing the smallest bit of his smile, he pulled her hands off him then pushed her aside. "Desperation doesn't suit you Matsumoto Fukutaichou. And I'm afraid today I'm a bit too busy." he looked up at her face and grinned._

_The chill in that smile could almost freeze her. He was cold. He felt nothing. She was once again, rejected and humiliated._

_Finally, she broke. After weeks of isolation, being ignored and the loneliness, had shattered her. No matter what, in the end she would always, always break._

_"Have I done something…?" She muttered, sounding almost guilty._

_He interrupted without wiping the smile from his face. "You should go back to your work. I'll catch you later, Matsumoto Fukutaichou" underneath his ever changing humour and playfulness, he was the most heartless person she knew._

_"Gin..." she bit her trembling lips._

_His smirk threatened to reach up to his ears as he stared her down._

_Wordlessly, she walked away from his desk only to turn and look when she reached the door. His concentration was back on his papers._

_It was a few yards away from the third squad office when she finally clutched the wall and scowled._

**Selfish**

_"Hisana" he slid open all the doors to their little corner of the Kuchiki mansion, but she wasn't anywhere to be found._

_"Hisana sama has not yet returned." The maid bowed and left._

_He slouched on his perfect seiza. Once again, a cold night._

_Trying to remember the last time he was with her was futile. For months, he had been coming home to an empty house, an empty room, and an even emptier bed._

_He knew where she was though. Within her large, kind heart, a number of orphan children from Rukongai had made room for themselves. And despite the criticism she had faced from the Kuchikis, she had kept up with her work._

_He always knew she was strong, in many ways than one. She made him proud._

_But he sometimes wondered if she found her sister, would she still love him? When was the last time she said she loved him anyway? He tried his best to suppress the feeling of jealousy._

_He knew she wasn't the most extroverted person when he married her. Even after four years of marriage, she wouldn't kiss him first._

_Sometimes he wanted to just sit with her, have a cup of steaming tea and talk about their days. Then again, he would never stop her from doing the things she wanted to do._

_He wasn't a selfish man._

_The guilt he felt for wanting her all to himself was only topped by how desperately he wanted her._

_He slowly got up and left for his evening walk._

_His hopes of catching her before she went to bed were crushed as soon as he entered their room._

_"Hisana" he whispered, hands softly touching her sleeping face. She didn't stir._

_He wanted to see more than just her face. He wanted to throw the blanket off her and wake her up. He wanted to kiss her like he used to and make love to her as if it was their first time._

_But Kuchiki Byakuya was anything but selfish._

_He sighed and picked up his Zanpakutō._

…

**P.s. The timeline is going to switch back and forth, before story and after story simultaneously. **


	3. The cut

**Chapter 3**

**The cut**

"Gin?" She closed the door behind her and leaned her back on it hesitantly, fingers playing with the corner of her scarf.

He turned and his lips curved upwards. "Matsumoto Fukutaichou. How delightful to..."

"Gin." She interrupted, clenching her fists to hold on to the resolve she had worked so hard to gather. "Did you do it? Did you kill Aizen Taichou?"

His grin seemed to have widened further. "What if I did?"

Her lips trembled a little. "Momo and Izuru are locked up, and all you can do is joke?" Her voice was firm. "Gin. I trust you. I believe you. I know you'd never..."

"Rangiku." He stood up, and she realised he wasn't smiling anymore. "Please try not to get involved in this. It's for your own good."

She took in a sharp breath, "does that mean... you know? You know who killed him?"

He stared at her for a moment before grinning again, "don't bother working that pretty brain of yours Matsumoto Fukutaichou. You're much prettier when you don't think."

"Gin." She scowled. "Stop this. Whatever game you're playing, just stop. And tell me... tell them what you know. Please. I don't want anything to happen to you..."

"You're still so innocent. Still the naive, childlike Rangiku I once knew." He was standing in front of her, hand lightly placed on her neck, thumb brushed along her jawline. She shivered at the coldness of his touch. "Continue following that boy captain of yours and you'll just be fine."

"Gin. I want you to know that, no matter what they think, I'm with you. I believe in you..."

"Enough" his voice boomed unexpectedly.

His smile was gone, and they stared at each other for along moment. As the minute rolled by, she could feel beads of sweat trickling down her forehead.

He exhaled deeply as his thin lips turned into another ominous smile, "I'll tell you the truth. I don't want you Matsumoto Rangiku. How many times do I have to show you that I have no need of you? Whatever fun we had was fun, but that was that. Now do yourself a favour and leave. And never, ever think of me again. Understand?"

He slowly pulled away from her and turned towards his desk. "Watch your back. Being as pretty as you are, you'd never know who else could be out to get you." He stopped mid-track, cocked his head and gave her the nastiest grin she had ever seen. "Not everyone is as decent as I am."

She stormed out of his office.

...

Gin.

He didn't mean that. He loved her. He said so millions of times. She took a gulp from the sake bottle on her hand.

She just didn't know anymore. She realised, despite the fact that she had known him the longest, she knew him the least.

The hell butterflies were flying here and there, everything was in chaos. She lazily watched through the window of her office, sipped sake and wished she was somewhere else. She wished she had something else to think about.

"Kuchiki Rukia's execution had been put forward."

She looked at the conversing pair of shinigami discussing one of the many things that had been turning Seireitei upside down for the last few days.

Kuchiki. Those were the memories she wouldn't hate to relive. It was always easy with him. No complications, no feelings, no strings attached. Only the release.

Although things had changed over years. The man she once knew had also transformed while she wasn't looking. The man she once knew would've done anything for his sister.

"What is it lieutenant?" His eyes coldly studied her.

"It's almost midnight, Kuchiki Taichou" she swirl the leftover sake in the bottle and staggered inside the office. "What are you still doing here in the office?"

"Do not talk to me like I'm one of your colleagues, lieutenant."

"No? Should I talk to you like the man I used sleep with?"

He fisted his hand, "what do you want?"

"Don't you remember how to say my name?" She bent forward with one hand on her hips, "its Matsumoto. Mat...su...mo...to... Repeat after me. Mat..."

This time he cracked. "How dare you talk to me like I'm one of your equal?"

"You're not?" She raised her eyebrows, unaffected by anything he might throw at her. "Last time I checked, you're still a man, and I'm still a woman."

Instantly he stood up and grabbed her wrist, shoving her backward. It hurt, but she continued smiling.

"My! You've gotten a lot worse at this... you know... dealing with your emotions and stuff."

He steely eyes narrowed dangerously. But she couldn't care less.

"What happened to you Byakuya?"

"Matsumoto Fukutaichou. Have you forgotten who I am?"

"28th head of the Kuchiki clan and the captain of 6th squad." She sighed "I know. That's why I am here."

He breathed in deeply. "I do not consider whatever happened between us years ago, as anything important."

"Yet, you remember it." She smiled sweetly and squirmed to get her wrist free of him. He gripped her tighter.

"Leave" he growled.

"If you let me, I will." she stepped close to him, her free hand slid along his chest towards his face.

"Matsumoto..."

"Shush..." his eyes widen.

After all these years they avoided each other, this woman still surprised him with her courage to talk to him like this. It was as if she had a deathwish.

"Kuchiki Taichou" she finally stopped and sighed. The playful look in her eyes changed. Stopping her hands half way towards his face, she muttered "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for you. You had finally found a family, but now you have to watch her die. If there is anything..."

"She had broken the law, she'll pay for her crimes. The rules are there to be followed."

"Seems to me like you're over compensating for something you've done." Her sighed and continued sadly, "you've changed. I can't seem to relate you to the man who cried in my arms because his wife was dying. Are you going to watch your sister die too?"

He stumbled on his words. He hadn't thought about those times in years as he continued to hope that by pretending it never happened would eventually erase his guilt-ridden past.

"It'll hurt when she's gone. Take it from someone who never had any family. The only thing close to a family I had won't even acknowledge me. He said he didn't want me anymore." She sighed again, "There is no point having a home with no one to go back to." She took a step back. "If I were you, I wouldn't have sat here sleeplessly in my office and wait for them to kill my sister."

She waited for him to release her hand.

He slowly let her go. She softly smiled and held his gaze. Then suddenly, taking a step towards him, she reach up and kissed him on the cheek. "I might not have been important to you Kuchiki Taichou, but I bet I was unforgettable."

He froze, unable to think himself out of this situation. He couldn't believe how easily she had gotten to him. She smiled again at his stunned expression.

She turned to leave him with her smile, but he grabbed her wrist again, and pushed her against the wall, "tell me. What is your purpose behind coming here?"

Her eyes fluttered. "I don't know."

He inched closer, "do not lie"

She sighed, "You've got me. My reasons for coming to you had always been selfish."

You only need to heal when you have a wound. His was dead and gone. But hers had started opening again. His eyes narrowed as he watched her silently.

Her sad smile widened as she grabbed his face and pulled him down to a kiss. He didn't resist. Because he couldn't.

Before leaving him lost in that kiss, she turned from the door and flashed him a smile, "I'm quite unforgettable, aren't I?"

And in a blink, she was gone.

She was definitely unforgettable. And, so was he. She found herself letting a hidden breath out as soon as she was out of his way.

...

"Hitsugaya Taichou!" boomed captain commander's voice in the meeting room. The small boy looked at him without moving his face.

"Where is your lieutenant?"

For a moment, he looked slightly disturbed. "Absent."

"Is there a valid reason for her lack of attendance in an important meeting like this? This is the third time this month."

His jaw clenched, and he replied curtly, "don't you have more pressing issues than worrying about my lieutenant's attendance, soutaichou?"

The old man pondered his words for a moment before diverting his attention away, "I shall continue this later. Now, to the much important subject. After the betrayal of Aizen Sosuke, Kaname Tousen and Ichimaru Gin..."

Kuchiki Byakuya watched Hitsugaya's face as it twisted into an ugly scowl at the mention of the name Ichimaru Gin.

"I hope all is well with your lieutenant, Hitsugaya Taichou." he tried to make it sound as natural as possible as they were headed out of the meeting hall.

Hitsugaya replied absentmindedly, "me too."

Kuchiki Byakuya suddenly found himself frowning at that response.

...

"What are you doing here?" She asked, sitting up rubbing her eyes.

They had not exchanged a full sentence in years, now all of a sudden it felt like as if they had just picked up from where they left off.

"I should ask you the same thing." He was genuinely impressed by the fact that he still remembered his way. It had been decades since he had last stepped a foot in this area. Sometimes those memories didn't even feel real.

"I'm sleeping." She replied, avoiding his dark gaze.

He wanted to turn around and leave, but he didn't. His eyes roamed over her lazy form, messy hair, puffy eyes and the prominent cheek bones.

They maintained their positions for the next few minutes. His eyes took in the state at the room was in.

The room was filled with empty sake bottles. He wondered if that was how she had been spending her time these days.

"Why here?" he asked finally, which made her look again. The room had always been very dark, even during the day.

"Because there is nothing of him here." She muttered. "There is only a bit of you. But no him. I can deal with that." She eyeballed the empty sake bottles on the floor with yearning.

"When was the last time you had a solid meal?"

"Tch" she twisted her face and flattened herself back down on the bed, staring at the ceiling. "I'm sorry Kuchiki Taichou, I really don't feel like having a conversation. I hope you'd forgive my rudeness." Not that she'd care if he didn't.

He knew he shouldn't be lingering around after that. But instead, he climbed on the bed and hovered on top of her.

Old habits maybe?

She looked slightly surprised first then her eyes went back to being cold. "He cut you too."

He didn't respond, just kept his eyes on her with her weakened body shaded under his.

She reached out with her hands and slowly pulled his clothes apart, only enough to find the healed wound on his chest. Her touches were soft yet burning. She caressed the pink scar across his hardened muscle.

"I'm proud of you. I'm proud that you had saved your sisters life while risking your own. And..." her hands lightly caressed his wound. "...I'm sorry." She whispered.

He leaned to kiss her.

...


	4. Encounter

**Encounter:**

_It wasn't that much of a surprise, when Iba and Ikkaku found her already drunk upon their arrival. It was a given that doing something embarrassing like shamelessly throwing herself on his face followed by a merciless dismissal had only one remedy. Alcohol._

_And she was the best at doing it right._

_"You should give that a rest Matsumoto" Iba bellowed in his big voice. "Go home."_

_Home?_

_Her drunken face twisted with a roll of her eyes. A word full of emptiness that always made her chest feel heavy._

_Home._

_If she had one, it was Gin, with his touches, his strange addictive scent, and his secret smile that he only reserved for her. Just like how all her happiness was Gin too, with his playful teasing, moments of clarity and sudden spur of heated passion._

_She didn't want to go back to her apartment filled with his faded presence. If only alcohol could erase her memories of him._

_She staggered out of the pub fairly early. She knew one place that was only hers._

_Her pace was slow on her unbalanced legs, they had surprisingly managed to keep her from falling on her face. Until she reached the end of the alley._

_A small tin can crunched under her weight loudly as she found herself face to face with the concrete._

_An accursed groan escaped her mouth._

_..._

_He was sleepless, restless, frustrated and tired to the bone from overworking Senbonzakura. Trying to beat his yearning out of his system, had only left him aching for more._

_A part of him was disappointed in himself._

_The miniscule masochistic thought of continuing his self-torture crossed his mind, then to his dismay, Hisana popped back._

_Visions of her smooth fair skin and her endless crimson-faced bashfulness under his touches invaded his mind. The continual fluttering and squeezing shut of her large eyes, her sweet aching voice, and tiny shiver and shudder of her small body played in repeat at the back of his mind. And her silky touching of his rough cheeks would always allow a faint smile on her thin lips. He missed everything about her._

_The more he thought about it, the more it felt like a dream._

_If he could, he would beat these urges out of his system, but he could only beat himself so much._

_The muscles on his body were screaming for rest during his walk back to the Kuchiki mansion. Sore and ache were in every step he took. But it made him hopeful that he was tired enough to fall straight to sleep._

_"Argh… goddamnit… stupid... street… tripping me..."_

_The noise made him glance to the side and a movement caught his attention. He stopped. The streets were dark but she was easy to spot._

_Getting to her feet wasn't hard, it was the following stare from a pair of steely grey eyes that was hard to get over._

_He stood few feet away from her, frowning disapprovingly._

_"Great." she muttered under her breath at first, then nervously chucked at him with her hand supporting her against the wall "Ahh... hello...Taichou. I didn't see you there."_

_As usual he took his time to observe before responding. "What are you doing in a place such as this?"_

_She pushed herself off and directed herself along her route. "Trying to find my way home I guess. Pay me no mind."_

_After a moment of silently watching, the man wordlessly tried to walk past her. Then she fell again._

_"Ouch..." she squeaked, trying to pull herself up._

_"Matsumoto Fukutaichou, this not the appropriate behaviour of a lieutenant. " he didn't seem very irritated. He dragged her straight by her arm. "Does Shiba Isshin approve of his lieutenant behaving as such?"_

_"Captain wouldn't give a crap about what I do after hours unless I'm dying somewhere." she muttered bitterly, trying to balance on her feet._

_He regarded her for a moment without letting her go. Something made his mouth utter a very unlikely combination of words, "is there something I could do for you?"_

_She suddenly laughed. "There is nothing you or any can do for me captain. I'm doomed to be the last person living alone in cold, drinking sake to try to forget about..." with a hiccup her common sense came back. Her widened blue eyes took in the stone cold expression he wore._

_Her inebriated body stiffened and she stuttered, "I'm sorry Kuchiki Taichou. I can't believe I was going off like that." She shook her head and pushed herself apart. "Don't let me keep you."_

_She turned around to leave with slackened pace._

_He suddenly called out, "tenth squad is not that way."_

_"I know, I'm not that drunk." She snapped then bit her tongue, "I... umm... Please forgive my impudence captain."_

_"You can barely walk." He volunteered the observation._

_Suddenly she was curious about his talkativeness._

_When she turned to look at him over her shoulder, she noticed the way he looked for the first time._

_The usual tidy black hair was messy, dark circles under his eyes, and his clothes were not as neat as you'd expect from a hotshot clan head._

_"Are you okay Kuchiki Taichou?"_

_There was a sudden shift in his look. But He kept his expression unchanged, "why do you ask?"_

_"You look, different. Has something bad happened?"_

_His frown deepened._

_"Or maybe I'm just imagining things." She tried to brush it off. "I didn't mean to snoop. Anyway, I'll see you around."_

_She turned towards her path. After a brief minute she realised he was next to her. She looked at him, dusty blue eyes large in astonishment. He was not going to report her to the authorities, was he?_

_"Can I offer you my company to wherever you're headed?"_

_She chocked a little. "Why?"_

_"You said you don't want to be the last person left alone."_

_With a slight surprised gape of her mouth, she wordlessly pondered the thought._

_The answer was easy. Misery loved company and if it was this company she'd get, why the hell not._

_"Okay" she replied._

...

**P.s. Back to the past again. **


	5. The last time

**Hidden corners**

Slight rustling of fabric made him look up, and his eyes fell on her awkward posture at the door.

"I had some paperwork for Renji..." she announced, lightly biting her lower lip.

He coldly looked away to focus on the work at hand.

"There is barely any room here. I thought being your lieutenant, Renji would be on top of things."

His grey eyes once again lingered on her, standing at Renji's desk, playing with the necklace that around her neck.

"He is at the world of the living." He tore his eyes away.

"Oh right." She bit her lips again. He looked up as she came and stood next to him this time.

"I didn't get to thank you that day. You left so early, before I even woke." His eyes remained motionless as she whispered. "I was a mess, and I wanted to thank you for... being there for me."

They held the gaze as the moment rolled by before she stepped back, thinking he wasn't going to respond.

"I take it that you're feeling better now?" he asked as she was about the slide open the door.

She looked over her shoulder with raised eyebrows, then a sarcastic smile stretched her lips, "definitely better than a week ago."

He stood up, closing the file he was studying and came to where she was standing. To her surprise he stood very close, almost touching her.

"You do not need to thank me for doing the same as you did for me all those years ago." She could barely hear him. This was the first time he had acknowledged it since Hisana's death. He added more discreetly, "And, it wasn't like I didn't... thoroughly... enjoy."

Her mouth fell. She could see his quickened breathing, small beads of sweat on his forehead and deep darkened eyes.

She smirked at the realization of that her presence had affected him this way, and she felt a tinge of pride. The resulted confidence she felt was also immense.

"In that case..." she reached and grabbed the material around his waist and pulled him closer. "How would you like to continue from where we left of?" Her lips brushed his earlobe.

His placidity went out of the window immediately. She found herself unable to breathe as his lips crushed hers with such force that threw her back against the closed door.

Thoughts Gin or his betrayal didn't bother her anymore. Not for a while at least.

...

It wasn't the first time he had noticed her spirit pressure around that area. Her usual perky reiatsu was always slightly moody, dark and out of sync during such times. He found it was hard not to follow her. And sometimes he would.

She would try to hide away in the room once in a while, away from the chaos, battle strategy discussions, and all other things may or may not be related to what Aizen and his followers had been doing. She craved a small moment where all else can be tomorrows problem. And he would eagerly let her borrow his warmth. She noticed how conveniently he would crawl under the sheets when she needed his touch.

If she didn't know better, she would've thought he was on alert for her presence. The idea was more than a little entertaining. But not as much as him. She had forgotten how good he was.

"It's almost midnight" her eyes widened when he casually approached the bed.

"Is that a problem?" Slowly he crawled on top of her, eyes studying her half sleepy face.

"No… umm..." She moaned as he kissed her neck.

And just like that, they would stop talking. It was exactly like being back to what they were all those years ago, discovering each other in every dark corner between the squads 6 and 10. The only difference was, they weighed less of guilt.

When they were done, sometimes they would lie and ask random questions, "Why does this place always smell like alcohol?"

She would look at him guiltily.

"I'm sorry. But it's the only place that I can feel at peace."

She would then run her finger to trace the muscles on his bare chest. With his eyes closed, he relished the feelings of not being alone.

**Smile**

She had never once cried, he noticed. Not in front of him at least, despite the numerous times he had caught her heartbroken. She would always smile at him.

"Why do you smile so much?" He asked once, hands playing with a strand of her long locks, savouring her softness and heat that contrasted the chilling cold outside.

"Because," She pulled herself up in her hand, looking down at him. "It feels nice. You should try it. It's easy, look." she grinned widely.

Instantly she was on her back again, looking into his grey eyes burning with desire.

She giggled. The next upward curve of his lips was something she had been seeing a lot recently. She liked it.

"Byakuya!"

She would scream out his first name, and as usual, he would never bother correcting her. He would be too busy witnessing Rangiku losing her control underneath him with pride and satisfaction in his otherwise steely grey eyes.

**The last time**

"Nii sama." her small frame trembled a little as she tried to sit up. He gestured the maid to keep her on her bed.

After she was pushed down, she coughed. His expression didn't change the slightest.

"Why wasn't I told?" The first question he asked after several minutes of staring at his feverish red faced adopted sister.

"No one could find you Kuchiki Sama" the row of help bowed and shivered in fear. He stood and walked away.

It wasn't their fault. It was his. He made sure no one found him when he was with her.

The worst part was, he didn't feel as guilty as he should. Her smile had a way of popping into his mind whenever he closed his eyes.

He could almost taste the trouble this was going to cause in the future.

...

"This is the last time." He mumbled deliriously as his long fingers fiddled with her clothes, his lips and tongue losing patience at a frightening speed.

"The last time" her affirmation echoed, breathing heavy against his ears. "Byakuya..."

The remnants of his perfect control vanished that exact moment, and they couldn't even make it to the bedroom.

It was after hours of several 'last time', he finally left the room, while every cell in his body raged against his decision to leave her behind.

He was well known for his stone cold resolve, and his faith was strong in himself. But somehow, he found himself in front of her door not very long after.

"I thought we had ended it." her eyes twinkled.

"Yes" he stood awkwardly, cursing mentally for not stopping himself when he had the chance.

"But I'm glad you're here" she moved over to let him in. "I'm cooking" she grinned.

He stared after her fleeting figure that left the door open for him. Leaving right now would be a very easy thing to do.

"Just make yourself comfortable" he heard her yelling from the kitchen. He stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

It was just as easy, if not more.

…


	6. Moondance

**Chapter 6 **

**Moondance**

_The surprising tranquillity of the small pond, eclipsed by the surrounding trees and rocks made him wonder about the accompanying woman who was well-known for her loud nature. This place was everything she wasn't._

_"Doesn't the moon look like its dancing?" her face rested on her knees, blue eyes eerily calm. _

_The unearthly view of scattering ripples of silver demanded no response from him._

_Her next sighing breathe weighed of things he couldn't understand. "Why are you here Kuchiki Taichou?" She sat motionless, indifferent to his lack of reaction. "Unlike me, you have a home and someone to go back to."_

_Memories of the cold and loneliness he had left behind made her statement sound almost sarcastic._

_"Appearance don't always tell you the actual truth lieutenant."_

_"Hmm." she cocked her head to the side, eyes on him. "Cryptic. What are you trying to say, Captain?" She added casually. _

_He wouldn't know how to get the meaning across to her even if he tried. So, he silently avoided her scrutiny._

_Her eyes narrowed slightly at his continuing disregard. "Does your wife not love you anymore?" She asked, causing a noticeable change in his posture._

_"I'm sorry. That was out of line." she quickly braced herself. "You don't have to say anything you don't want to." It was her last minute precaution to avoid sounding too nosey._

_Their eyes met again, "I thought you might be kind of like me." she maintained his sharp look bravely. _

_"And that is?" his deep voice cut the heavy silence. _

_"Left behind…forgotten…ignored… something like that I guess." She added with a slight chuckle. _

_"Were you left behind?"_

_His sharp gaze made her shiver. "I... umm... "_

_He sighed. "Its ok lieutenant. Like me, you do not have to explain anything." Turning away he looked back at the rippling moon._

_"Maybe we asked for too much." she suddenly spoke after a brief moment of silence. "Maybe one moment of love was more than enough."_

_Her foggy eyes didn't seem like they were seeing him at all. He maintained his stiff posture._

_A moment slowly passed by in the lack of conversation. _

_"What's on your face" he would've jumped if he was someone with a weaker nerve._

_She was next to him, crawling on her limbs and reaching for him. Their eyes met and she stopped mid-air._

_"You have...a scrape on your face..." she mumbled, still under the effect of alcohol he noticed. Her eyes fluttered lazily. _

_"You do not need to touch me for that." his frown deepened._

_She sat back and pouted. "I was just trying to be nice." Then she shrugged and met his eyes again. "I can heal it for you. Here, I'm actually really good at this..." she bent over again, supporting herself on her left hand and her right hand reached for him._

_His hand shot up and caught hers. She instantly froze. Their eyes lingered on one another silently._

_He didn't know how or why his eyes would travel down towards the opening of her collar which revealed a great deal, but he instantly looked back up as soon as he realised his mistake._

_He saw her eyes widen in surprise. _

_In that instant, she realised something obvious that had always skipped her mind. Underneath all his cold hearted attitude and flashy noble etiquettes, Kuchiki Byakuya was a man. And even he found her attractive._

_He removed her hand and stood up, faster than he would have. "Will you be okay to go home?"_

_She sat back, biting her lips in confusion. "I don't know."_

_He frowned again. "Would you like me to escort you?"_

_She quickly refused, "No. Of course not. I'll be fine."_

_He studied her. "Well then. Farewell."_

_He walked away._

_..._

_She was almost deep in sleep when she felt someone pull her up in their arms._

_"Gin." she muttered._

_The arms were warm as they securely held her and she felt the motion. Her eyes slowly opened._

_"Gin?"_

_It wasn't Gin. The grey eyes looked down at her, cold and irritated._

_"Captain" she squirmed, he stopped and put her down on her feet._

_"We are almost at the tenth squad" he declared robotically._

_She slowly pulled away and looked around. "Oh." She muttered sounding disappointed. "Why did you come back?"_

_His grey reflected a slight confusion along with the almost full moon that illuminated the empty streets. He wondered how to answer that question. _

_He didn't know why he came back, nor did he know why he was with her in the first place. _

_"You seem a little confused Kuchiki Taichou." this time he found her smiling. "It's okay to say that you're lonely."_

_If loneliness was craving for the warmth of another human being in the cold night, then he was lonely. Extremely. _

_"You called me Gin." he suddenly asked. Her eyes widen._

_"When?"_

_"When I carried you."_

_She remembered the flicker of hope she felt thinking Gin was there with her. Her mood darkened a little, "you should've left me there captain." _

_"Is that how you express your gratitude?" his tone was of disapproval. _

_"I never asked you to bring me home." she replied, equally displeased. _

_He exhaled loudly. _

_She pursed her lips to calm herself. It wasn't his fault that she didn't want to go home. "What are those bruises on his face from?" _

_"Sparring." _

_She bit her lips hesitantly and stepped close to him. Before he could pull away she was bravely grasping his collar._

_"What are you doing..." His eyes became larger._

_She wordlessly tiptoed and pressed her lips on the bruises on his cheek._

_"Expressing my gratitude" she muttered, feeling his body stiffen against hers._

_Slowly she moved back. "Thank you. I was lonely too."_

_The thoughts in his brain turned clutters in confusion. His unfriendliness had always intimidated everyone away and he had never imagined any woman would be bold enough to kiss him like that. Even if it was just a kiss on the cheek. _

_"I know it was just a thank you kiss." She tried to explain, waving her hand in the air, "Not exactly a real kiss."_

_He should've let it go, he should've just walked away and dealt with her audacity later. Instead he asked, "A real kiss?"_

_"Yeah like a kiss..." she suddenly bit her lips after a pause, stepping a little close to him "... between lovers… between a man and a woman." She remembered the awkward look in his eyes after getting caught staring down her collar. _

_His breath quickened as she approached and with shaky hands she reached and touched his face._

_He took it from there. Hesitantly lowering himself down, he pressed his lips on hers._

_A moment of soft contact later when he wrapped his arms around her waist to pull her close, she lost it._

_Clutching the collar of his haori, she poured all her passion into the kiss. Heat, tongue, saliva, pants, gasps all lost their identities in each other. Soon they were out of breath._

_"My apartment...is just… there…" she managed to exhale, moulding her body in his arms. He yanked her and in a blink she found herself standing in front of her door._

_The barely closed door of her apartment shook by the force at which he pushed her against it to claim her lips again._

_Hours later, after few rounds of crazy love making when they had finally depleted all their energy, tangled in his limbs she muttered, "goddamnit."_

_He almost smiled. The guilt he felt suddenly lessened by her reaction. They slowly untangled themselves. It was a slow dressing up, as if none of them really wanted it to end. The reality can wait for a little longer._

_"This is never going to happen again" she declared before he could. He just nodded._

_"No matter how great it was..." she added almost inaudibly. He almost added another nod of agreement too._

_..._

**Strangers**

_She didn't feel much different the next morning except that Gins rejection wasn't the only thing on her mind._

_Making her way slowly towards her office she stopped for a moment to glance at the sixth squad office._

_All of a sudden the man who rocked her world last night felt like a memory from a dream. He couldn't be the same person. Their eyes met from the distance and she realised he had momentarily lost his poise._

_She speedily headed towards her office trying to kick the thought away from her head._

_"Such a busy little worker I see" his snickering voice broke her concentration from procrastinating._

_"Gin." she stood up in shock and ran towards the window pane where he crouched. "You're here." _

_She felt the crushing weight of heavy guilt inside her chest. How was she supposed to behave normally after spending a night with another man? _

_He cocked his head sideways, "looking a bit tired, Had a late night?"_

_She looked down guiltily, playing with the necklace again. "I… umm… couldn't sleep."_

_"Oh." He grinned wickedly, as if he had just caught her doing something embarrassing. "are you sure __**something**__ wasn't keeping you up?"_

_She looked down, hiding her face behind her hair further. "Umm… like what?"_

_"Well I don't know. Something or someone. A man perhaps?" his grin widen. She felt all the blood leaving her face._

_"Gi… Gin… I can explain…"_

_"Explain?" he suddenly reached out and placed a hand on her face, lips still curled up to the corners. She shuddered at the contact. He hadn't touched her in months. _

_He stretched his smile further and continued, "Who the hell am I to deserve any explanation for what you do. Such a lovely thing like you can never keep admirers away, can you? Must be a real catch if you let him into you bed ha?"_

_"Gin. I swear to god…"_

_"Oh. Why would you go that far and start swearing." He pulled her close grabbing her chin, "you should enjoy yourself. It will take the load off my shoulder a bit."_

_"The… what?" her lips trembled. _

_"Load?" he let her go and looked away carelessly, "oh and I might not be around seireitei, for a few months perhaps." He smiled again, "I hope you don't miss me too much."_

_"You're leaving? Why?"_

_"Mission. Captains of the 5__th__ and the 7__th__ will also be going with me. And I know that you'll be just fine with that new man of yours. Won't ya?"_

_"Gin." her fists clenched on her sides. "You know that I love no one but you. Why must you always hurt me like this?"_

_"Love?" he chuckled and leaned closer, almost touching her nose with his, "It's true, you're a beautiful woman and… extremely fun to be with. But love? Really?"_

_"You said you loved me. More than once." she felt tears welling up._

_"Now now. Don't start cryin' like a baby Rangiku. You're not a teenage girl anymore. You know how all these works, don't ya? One day you say a thing next day you forget. Etcetra etcetera. "_

_"No" she clutched the fabric of his sleeve. "I don't know how this works. Why don't you explain it to me?"_

_"Yes you do." He used his long fingers to peel hers away from his arm. "I know you're much smarter than you look." The chill in his light blue eyes sent a shiver down her spine. It paralysed her._

_"Anyway, I'm going. Until next time." he disappeared leaving her weeping under her palms._

_…_

_He visibly cringed when she walked inside his office. The content of file in front of him immediately left his mind._

_"Matsumoto..." he halted as she locked the door behind her and stomped to where he was sitting._

_"You don't have to talk." She pushed him back on his chair and squeezed herself between him and the table. _

_"Matsumoto..." he leaned back, trying not to let the memories of the night before take control of his body._

_But it was a failed hope. She leaned forward, placing her knee on his side, murmured seductively, "please... captain. Kiss me. Right now." She demanded._

_He tried to resist, clutching the handles of his chair tight he took in a deep breath. _

_"Please..." her hand slid inside the collar of his kosode, rubbing his quick to warm up skin with her soft hands. _

_"Lieutenant. We had already done something that is unforgivable. It is to be never repeated again..."_

_"What's done is done, captain. Whatever happens now, can't be any worse, can it?" Her lips traced his jaw. _

_"I have a wife." His voice trembled. _

_"Yeah? And how's that treating you?" She was now fully seated on his lap, pushing fabric off his shoulder, "did she hug you goodbye this morning? Told you that she loved you?" _

_He breathed out loudly as her hand slid down his neck, his kosode fell to his sides. Her body pressed against his and her other hand combed through his hair. _

_"Did she... kiss you?" She leaned and touched her lips on his chin, and looked up. _

_The heated stare from her almost undid him, he couldn't hold on to his self-control anymore. _

_"Lieutenant..."_

_"Umm?" She continued with her kisses along his chin towards his jawline. _

_He tried to calm his breathing, her hands clutching the back of his neck, fingers locked in his hair. "I don't think we should…"_

_She finally stopped, sighed loudly and slumped down on him, head rested on his neck. _

_"Fine." She stirred after a moment, "I can't make you do this if you don't want to. I guess even you don't want me." _

_"You are... very... attractive... Matsumoto…" His eyes closed shut as her fragrant hair enclosed around his face. _

_Her eyes widen and she sat back, looking into his dark eyes, breath intermingled with one another's. _

_They stared for a moment before she leaned and kissed him anyway. _

_A long heated moment later they broke apart and she found his hands tightly wrapped around he?_

_"She never kissed me like this." he rested his forehead on hers, and looked deep into her eyes, "may I?" His hand lingered on the knot of her obi._

_Her lips twitched into a smile. "Please."_

_..._

_"Ouch" she squeaked._

_He stopped, looking at her questioningly._

_"My back..." she replied, pulling the broomstick away from the wall behind her._

_"Did I hurt you...?"_

_"No." Her arms pulled him down again to her awaiting lips._

_"Ouch" she yelped again, this time it was the shovel that fell loudly on the floor. _

_He stopped again, looked into her clouded eyes and asked hesitantly, "there is something I wanted to discuss." _

_She was busy trying to untie his obi, "hmm? What is it?" _

_"I've got a place for…us." _

_She froze. "Us?"_

_She slowly toured the rundown apartment and smiled, "this is perfect." _

_"Come." He reached and grabbed her arm._

_Before she could have a good look at the bedroom she was pushed down on the bed. Not that she ever complained about him taking charge like this. _

_…_


	7. To forget

**I guess my earlier promise of no citrus was too hard to keep. Forgiveness? Summary's changed. Now, let the love/babymaking begin. Happy V day ya all.**

**To forget:**

He imagined that she would always look like a goddess even if she cried. Elegant, beautiful and simply stunning. But he was wrong. She resembled a little girl, who had lost her way home.

He had a feeling she had been in this state since she regained her consciousness after the battle. Before they brought her in to the fourth, she was in hysterics, clutching the corpse of Ichimaru Gin in her arms.

He didn't know whether it was his conscience or something else that made him look for her. And he knew just the spot she would be.

Her sob stopped with a hiccup as soon as she spotted him. A slight change in her posture told him that she was relieved by his presence.

Wordlessly he pulled her in, her arms wrapped around his neck and she was finally able to breathe. No matter how shattered she was inside, she was always very warm.

After he brought her back home, for hours her body laid motionless on her bed as she stared at the wall. He could almost hear the crackling of her heart break. He had no words for her. Words were useless anyway.

He snuggled up next to her, not wanting to bear the look on her face any longer, arms around her. She immediately pulled him closer, lacing her their fingers together, clutching them tight on her stomach.

He buried his face in her hair, feeling her shake under his embrace. It took great effort on her part to keep her sobs confined to slight trembles only. He knew without looking that she was biting her lips to hold in any cries from escaping her. Maybe she was making up for all those times she held herself together, all those times she drowned herself in sake to avoid tears.

"You're not alone" his mouth automatically spilled the words he had no idea where originated from.

But it worked. Her shaking stopped after a moment and she turned to face him.

Suddenly he realised how beautiful she was. She was indeed a goddess.

Her arms snaked around his neck and she whispered, "I want to forget. Please make me forget."

It was impossible. You do not forget the person you love, especially after they die in your arms. But he wasn't going to point that out now. Slowly his fingers cupped her face and pulled close to his. "Okay."

That was all she needed. It was her turn to be selfish.

...

"Working late?"

She usually avoided going to his office. It was safer to wait for him.

But he knew she was desperate these day. Her mind and heart had been working on overdrive since Ichimaru's death and she needed something else where her pain didn't exist.

"Yes" he replied.

"You need a break." She declared.

He didn't, but he packed up nevertheless. "Very well."

When her fingered laced between his own he was surprised. He wasn't ready for a hand in hand walk with her, yet he trudged along, not wanting to upset her. Soon, they found themselves in front of the room.

"Gin."

It wasn't the first time she call him that. But he knew of ways to make her remember who she was with. It was always a thrilling challenge.

And frankly, being compare to a man like that, pissed him off.

"Byakuya."

His lips curved up slightly in the dark. She would always end with his.

"The least you could do is remember who you're with" he once complained with his toneless voice.

She rolled away from him lazily, "sorry." The small response annoyed him to no end.

"I'll see you later, lieutenant. Farewell." she watched him disappear. His goodbyes were one of the things she liked most about him.

...

**Beautiful**

"You're late" he pointed out.

She climbed into bed next to him, hands circled around his middle.

"Are you drunk again?" Her face buried on his neck. He sighed realizing there won't be anything happening tonight.

"A bit maybe. I miss him again" she muttered.

He pulled away from her hold and left the bed. "We can do this some other time."

Her eyes widen as she pulled herself up on her elbows, "Byakuya?"

"Kuchiki Taichou for you, lieutenant." He was almost at the door.

"Don't leave" her voice shook which made him halt. "Please. I need you."

"If you want to be with me, be with me. I can't substitute for him anymore." he spoke from the door.

She took a moment to process his demands. He had never asked anything like this before.

Slowly she removed herself from the bed and followed behind him. "Are you telling me you had never used me to replace Hisana?"

His hands clenched, "don't speak of her like that."

"How should I speak of her?"

"Never... speak of her."

"Fine." She pushed him back on his chest and returned his threat, "as long as you don't talk about Gin like that again."

"Don't place my wife in the same class as Ichimaru."

She scowled, "why not?"

"There is no comparison."

"Why? He sacrificed his whole life to keep me safe, because he loved me. What did your precious wife do other than leaving you miserable, dissatisfied, and alone?"

"Matsumoto!" He growled, grabbing her arms. "Ichimaru was no better to you... no matter what his real intentions were."

She gritted her teeth in anger, nostrils flaring.

"It's been a very long few years since he had passed." He continued. "You should stop acting like this."

She fumed, teeth bared, eyes glaring. Slowly she chewed out, "what does that supposed to mean? Are you meaning to tell me that my love for Gin was less than yours for your wife?"

"No. But I didn't drink myself to insanity every weekend after she died."

"I will do as I fucking please."

"If you're going to use such language in front of me, consider this the last time we'll ever exchange words."

"Fine. I don't need you anyway."

He stepped back, releasing her arm but keeping his fists clenched, "neither do I."

For the next few moments, both expelled their anger with rapid exhalation and burning gaze.

She puffed out loudly, calming down, "We've never had any problems like this before."

He was also back to his cold demeanour. "Maybe we should take a break." Hands on the door, ready to slide it open.

She suddenly felt a thump inside her chest, "Do whatever you want, Captain" She turned away as well.

He was out of the door in a second.

She stomped to the bed and flattened herself on her stomach, remnants of her anger vented out through her heavy breathing.

He was trying to enjoy the moonlight on his porch when a rustling noise made him look.

She landed on her feet softly and sat down next to him. It was time for bed for both of them, her sleeping yukata told him that she wasn't planning this visit.

"You asked for too much" she muttered, eyes on the moon. "I can't stop missing him. I loved him for as long as I can remember. Since I found out why he did what he did...I just… I…" she sighed, "I'm sorry."

He let out his breath he was holding too. "It's okay."

"And... I don't want this to end." She scratched the back of her neck nervously. "I don't want to take any breaks."

He silently watched her sideways then stood up. "Come" with a moment of wide-eyed look at him she reached for his extended hand.

Softly he wrapped her in his arms, "I will take you somewhere, where you'll forget that man ever existed in your life."

"Where?" She asked dumbly.

"Do you trust me?" He asked suddenly which also took her by surprise.

"I... guess..."

"Good enough."

And they lifted off.

His feet landed on the grassy open field, the dark forestry around them seemed illuminated by something.

She moved her dishevelled hair from her face and looked around. And when she turned, her mouth dropped.

Surrounding the little oval, rows and rows of cherry trees, glowing in the moonlight. And that wasn't all. Everywhere around them, were fireflies. Millions of them.

She felt like she was drowning in this sea of miniature stars.

"I don't believe this. They are practically lighting the place up like bulbs. So many of them."

He smirked then held her hand in his. Leading her along the path only he seemed to know and he spoke, "it's one of the spots in the Kuchiki grounds. I forbade them to disturb the wildlife. And this..." they were finally standing in front of a lone house. "…is the place we occasionally use for spring or autumn parties, or picnics. But it doesn't get used as much anymore. I sometimes come here to read or practice my calligraphy. "

She stepped inside the house. Moments later most the doors to the small house were slid open, the temporary walls were taken down. She sat in the middle of the corner room, three sides of the room was open to the air.

She was speechlessly watching him work, still wondering why he was doing all these.

"Why are we here? Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful place..."

"Because..." he interrupted, walking towards her, "there will be no Ichimaru gin here... There will be only me... and you."

He pulled her into standing, the small lamp burned next to them in the middle of the room, illuminating his face mysteriously.

"Matsumoto Rangiku." His voice was rich and velvety. She had never seen him act like this. It surprised her that after all these years of their secret affair, she still didn't know him.

"Hmm?" She found it hard to break their gaze.

"Tonight, you're solely mine."

She felt a breath being knocked out of her lungs. She couldn't believe how fast her heart was racing. The feeling inside her stomach was something she had never felt with him around.

He slowly untied her obi and the silken material slid to the floor. Her eyes followed his fingers as they slowly pulled the yukata apart, revealing her nakedness.

She looked up and the way his eyes slowly skimmed over her body almost made her blush.

"Turn the light off..." she muttered, trying to sound as normal as possible.

"No" his hand slid on her stomach and rested on the curve of her waist, "I told you, you're all mine tonight. And I want to witness everything that you are."

Once again, she was left breathless at his choice of words. Her reality was losing itself so fast she wondered if she was dreaming.

His other hand reached for her face, "not that turning the lamp off would do any good."

She became aware of the celestial light that surrounded the house was surrounding them too. She understood why he removed all the walls and the door.

"I..."

His fingers reached for her lips, she stopped talking and gasped at his gentle touch, her eyes glued to his dark ones. This was the first time he ever touched her like this. She had never felt more special.

His thumb brushed over her lips first, then his hand trailed down towards her jaw to pull her up for a kiss.

Softly his mouth stroked her lips. She could feel every little friction between them as they slid over each other like silk. Everything about that moment made her wonder if she had left her physical body and transcended somewhere else.

The soft touching of silken material on her feet told her that her yukata had finally dropped.

Their lips parted and he pulled her closer, not breaking the eyes contact. Next he hooked his fingers to the side of her underwear and she gasped when his hand slid inside to grab the solf flesh of her back, pulling her hips close to his.

"Ummnnh..." she tried to string her words together but his mouth found her neck, and she released a deep moan.

Finally she tugged on his clothes, mouth slightly apart to facilitate the much needed intake of air.

His yukata laid hanging to his sides and she frantically kissed every bit of skin she could find until he pushed her away.

"Not so fast Matsumoto. You're going to feel every single bit of my touch tonight." She had no words for him. If this was what it was like to be seduced by this god like man, she was not going to complain, even if it killed her.

He laid her down on her back on the futon. The remnants on her barrier against him vanished as he wrenched her free of the only material of clothing she had left on her.

The yellow light from the lamp mixed with the moon was eerily beautiful. His pale skin looked ghostly white as he hovered on top of her, taking in her helpless state.

"You're beautiful."

This time, she blushed and once again, the breath she held was knocked right out if her. The look in his eyes send her heart to shudder.

He leaned and softly touched his lips on her collar bones, using tongue and teeth to send electric surges throughout her body. Slowly, his next kiss inched slightly below. By the time he had reached her navel, she was writhing, squirming, moaning, and hands clutching the materials of the futon as if to tear holes into them with her nails.

"Please..." she begged, his one hand played with her sensitive soft flesh, and all she could do was to not scream.

"Please..." she begged again but squealed when his fingers found their way into her caverns.

"Oh... god" she mumbled, heated, flustered, and almost going insane.

"Who are you with Matsumoto?" the low vibration from his voice made her skin break out in goosebumps.

"You..." she muffled a deep throated moan, his fingers still played with every nerve ending in her body.

"Who am I" his other hand slid down her sides and hoisted her knees up around him, he shoved his face on the crook of her neck.

"Byakuya... you're... Byakuya..." she gasped, barely comprehensible.

"Good" he smirked, and pulled away,

His eyes took in every single inch of the hot, wet mess that was her, as he sat on the futon, slowly reaching for his own obi.

It was amazing how he held out this long. Given how mercilessly he had tortured her, the toll on him was equally taxing. He wanted nothing more than to unleash that urge that howled in his veins. Instead of slowly taking off his clothes, he wanted to tear his expensive yukata in half and claim her as his.

But he didn't. Her awaiting eyes watched as he pulled his clothes away and again hovered above her.

She touched his face, her eyes held something different that moment. Something he didn't understand. But he knew she was beautiful. He couldn't understand how anyone could refuse this woman. Suddenly he questioned Ichimaru's manhood as well as his sanity.

"What are you looking at?" Her rich voice murmured.

"You" he replied back.

The smile on her lips almost made his heart skip a beat.

"Kiss me" her appeal interrupted his thought process on why this sudden swelling he felt inside his chest.

"Please..."

He kissed her this time. A proper kiss, a real kiss between a man and a woman... between lovers. A kiss of lust, longing and desire.

Her tongue tasted like heaven. Just like always she was very responsive, returned everything he gave her and then some. The rubbery, warm, wet kiss left him momentarily lost to what was happening and the next thing he knew, her legs were wrapped around his waist, pulling him against her.

He gritted his teeth and held on to his control. Rubbing up against her was making him lose his rationality in an alarming speed. It was too soon.

But no one had told her that. Her mouth worked its magic, hands groped hungrily on his hardened muscles pulling him tight against her soft supple body, her relentless hip movement to make him yield, and finally too hard to resist sounds of her deep constant moaning, had unravelled him to his core.

Her deep sultry voice mixed with lust begged again. "Make me yours..."

He had finally reached his limit. He pulled up, supporting his weight on his hand and took a look at her. Her perspiring skin was shining in the ghostly light, chest heaving with the need for air, and the golden hair was framing everything in. At that moment, she was the most beautiful thing that existed in his world.

He leaned forward, hands reached to intertwine their fingers, pinning her arms on her side, finally moving his pelvis close to hers.

"You're beautiful, Matsumoto." Once again, he rewarded her with the same compliment, but it carried more weight than it did before. She gasped.

Slowly, he claimed her, letting her feel every little friction between their scorching flesh. He groaned, she screamed.

It took him everything he had to not go wild at that exact moment. Grasping her hands tight, he moved again, in a slow snail pace, feeling her every pulse against him.

His grey eyes watched her face as it changed, mouth gasping for air, body arching up against his, eyes fogged up, barely present. In short, her senses had left her.

Her moaning became louder and louder, with a sweet voice that was like music in his ears. He just couldn't hold on anymore.

His instincts took control, speeding up, making rhythm against her, over and over. Mindlessly he continued to move, the fast, steady momentum obliviated all his senses, identity, and even his own being as a man was lost in her warm slick embrace.

Her screams and moans in his ears were the only thing he had to hang onto his earthly self. They were the sexiest thing he had ever heard.

It was a wonder how the same woman he had an affair with for years could suddenly become something entirely transcendent.

Was it minutes or years he didn't know, but he finally released himself, groaning like an animal then gasping like an old man to catch his breath, sweat trickling from everywhere on his body.

She was a puddle of mess underneath him, equally tired, gripping on to him like he was the only life support she had.

They were unable to move for the next moment, he lied on top of her, her golden hair sticking to the side of his face.

"Ummm" she moaned again when he moved, still inside her, he pushed himself up on his arms and looked down.

"Am I still a mere replacement of him to you?"

"No" she admitted, still trying find her grips in reality.

"Good" with a slight smirk he dove in for a kiss.

This time they started quickly and ended even more tired.

Not that it stopped them from going at it again before that night was even close to its end.

...

**Yeah. Sorry about ruining the no lemon/lime promise I made. But I have a feeling this is my best citrus so far. Leave a review if you wish.**


	8. Lust, Love and Goodbyes

**Chapter 8: Lust, Love and Goodbyes**

**Lust**

_'She's still here,' was the flashing thought in his mind when his eyes opened, and he was up instantly._

_A series of faint clattering, and noises of running water later, Hisana walked out of the bathroom in a dark purple yukata with pink flowers, smelling of fresh flowers. _

_Her eyes large in the shock of seeing him seated straight on the futon, she asked anxiously. "Byakuya sama. Did I wake you?"_

_"No" he answered. _

_After a moment of hesitance she timidly turned towards the door, hurrying to leave the room, "I'll tell them to prepare your meal. I didn't think you'd be up so early." _

_"Hisana." The command in his deep voice stopped her. _

_"Sit with me." _

_Purple eyes turned fearful then quietly she took a seat, facing him. "Is everything okay Byakuya Sama?" _

_"Hisana." _

_She gasped, purple eyes reflected his greys one, indicating their sudden proximity, almost touching at the knees. "By...Byakuya Sama!" _

_His palm enclosed around one of her cheeks. "My wife," he muttered before placing his lips on hers. _

_She cringed away at the unexpectedness, stiffening her body in the process. After his futile attempt to soften her pursed lips, he pulled away. Half-closed eyelids hid the hurt he felt._

_"What is the matter?" He asked softly._

_"Na...Nothing." Nervously she looked down to avoid his intense gaze._

_"Don't you want me anymore?" a tinge of anger flickered in his eyes. She squirmed uncomfortably. _

_"I...Umm... "_

_"Hisana. You're my wife. I want you. I want to hold you, kiss you... make love to you."Her fair face blushed crimson at his words. _

_"By... Byakuya Sama... what are you…"_

_He pulled her close to him by her waist, nuzzling on her neck, trying to widen the opening of her collar. _

_She squirmed, small hands rested lightly on his shoulder, resisting his advances._

_He stopped and breathed loudly. "Do you not love me anymore? Have I done something to make you despise my touch?"_

_"N...no. I love you."_

_"Then make love to me. Right now." His fingers hooked on her tightly tied obi._

_"Wait..." she placed her hand on his. "Not now. I have to go, Byakuya Sama."_

_He exhaled again, "surely you can be late once."_

_"They're waiting for me Byakuya Sama. Those kids, they need me."_

_"I need you too."_

_"You don't understand. They are orphans, they have no one in this world. No one will feed them if I don't, no one will teach them how to read or wash them clean. I'm sorry Byakuya Sama. I know I have been neglecting my duties as your wife but lives of these poor kids depend on me."_

_He took a deep breath on her neck, taking in her scent one last time before pulling away. _

_"Very well." Slowly he backed away and took back his seat. _

_She eyed him guiltily and looked down on her lap. "I'm sorry to disappoint you Byakuya Sama."_

_"It's fine. You do what you must."_

_She bit her lips in confusion, "maybe I'll come back early tonight." _

_He looked up at her scarlet blush in surprise. "You will?"_

_"If you wish for me to." She sank her head even lower, blushing from head to toe. _

_Her shy and gentle nature was what he loved most about her. "I do." He replied. _

_"I will see you then." She quickly rose and almost ran out of the door. _

_Byakuya sat in silence for a moment before letting a rare smile graze his lips. He had a date with his wife tonight. _

_The day could not go any slower as he restlessly worked through his papers like a machine, attended his meetings, finished his training and by the time he was ready to go home, it was still too early. _

_Hisana wasn't back when he walked through the door. _

_Slowly he prepared himself. He took a long relaxing bath, dressed in his favourite yukata and ordered the maids to set up Hisana's favourite herbal tea. _

_The sun was almost setting when she arrived, looking exhausted. As their eyes met, she stumbled on her steps a little. "Byakuya sama. You're back already." _

_"I've been waiting for you, Hisana." _

_She shrunk down ever further as she made her way towards her change room. "So…sorry to keep you waiting."_

_He patiently waited for her to finish her grooming and when she was finally done, it was already dark. The maids brought in lamps and set up another round of tea._

_"You look lovely." _

_She blushed. Her fingers clutched the side of the tea cup tight, making her knuckles white. _

_"Thank you. You look handsome too." _

_He watched every little details of her feature with such intense heat, it made her sweat even after that extended bath she took. _

_A slow moment passed as their shadows danced on the pale walls. The heavy silence jammed thick between them. _

_"Hisana." _

_The dark eyes darted towards his face, fearful like that of a rabbit in front of its hunter. _

_"Take your clothes off" he commanded. _

_She almost spilled the tea but regained her poise at the last moment. Then slowly and hesitantly she rose up, head bowed, hiding her face under the smooth layer of jet black hair. With shaky hands, she worked on her tightly wound clothes around her small frame._

_He finally lost his patience._

_Standing up like a storm he caught her in his arms and with skilled fingers he removed her yukata in minutes. She stood there naked, trying to hide her embarrassment with her arms around her, shivering like a child. _

_"Look at me." _

_She looked up, her cheeks were the shades of permanent pink. Once again he was in awe of how beautiful she was. _

_"This is not the first time Hisana. Why are you so hesitant?" _

_"I'm not hesitant. I'm just... I don't know if I could satisfy you Byakuya Sama. I've become so thin."_

_"All I need to be satisfied, is your love." _

_He picked her up as if she weighted nothing and placed her on the bed. She tightly wrapped her arms around her, and he frowned. _

_"You don't need to be shy around me. I'm your husband."_

_She looked away bashfully._

_His strong fingers gripped her arms and pulled them away from her chest, pinning them to her side. She squeezed her eyes shut. _

_Slowly he hovered on top of her, leaning to kiss her cheek then lowering down towards her neck, shoulders and below. Every time his lips touched her cool skin, she shuddered frantically. It was nothing new, she had always been very awkward in bed. _

_"I love you, Hisana" he muttered with his lips only a breath away from her soft skin. Another shuddered on her tiny frame made him look up at her face and he froze. _

_She had her face turned away from him, eyes squeezed shut, lips pursed. _

_Something struck an odd chord in him. He was used to her shyness in bed, this was nothing new. She considered it impolite to squirm, to move or to even make any sound if she could help it. _

_A flash of image of Rangiku crossed his mind. The contrast between Hisana and a willing partner stood up like an eyesore. _

_"Hisana" he asked, "look at me." _

_She slowly opened her eyes and smiled at him. He knew that smile, she always smiled like that, as if to reassure a small child that everything was alright when in truth it wasn't. _

_"You don't need to do this if you don't want to." He continued after exhaling._

_Her mouth parted a little and she looked even more disturbed, "I'm your wife Byakuya sama. I'm here to do what you wish..."_

_"I don't want you to do your duty Hisana." He slowly sat up releasing her arms, which quickly found the material necessary to cover the rest of her body. _

_The confusion and fear was evident in her large eyes, "do I not satisfy you anymore Byakuya Sama."_

_He sighed, rising up on his feet, "you, forcing yourself to do something you don't want just for the sake of duty, will never satisfy me, wife. I want nothing more than your happiness and comfort. I'll wait until you're ready to come to me."_

_He knew that was an empty hope. She never came to him for this, he had always made advances on her, selfishly taking his pleasure from her. _

_A slight guilt and disgust that he felt about his own past actions was erased the moment her mouth opened, "I love you Byakuya Sama. I don't know what I had done to deserve a husband like you." A small tear sparkled at the corner of her eyes. _

_Her small hands reached out and touched his rested at the side of the bed, "I know I've been… distant." She smiled again, "no matter how entertaining all the running around with the children is, it takes a toll on my body. But it's okay. I will just need to rest a little more. As soon as I'm back to my old self, we can…continue." she looked down shyly. "Please forgive me for being so…" _

_His heart swelled at her admission and he realised he wanted nothing more to take her, selfishly. _

_"It's okay Hisana. I will never deny you the pleasure you find in these children. But I do wish you would ask me for assistance…"_

_"No" she sat up straight, "I can't burden you with more responsibilities. You already have too much to worry about being the head of the family and a captain." her eyes glittered in the faint light. "I'm stronger than I look, Byakuya Sama."_

_"I know you are, Hisana." He replied, softly gazing at her face lit in happiness. _

_She then quickly dressed herself and shyly bowed before leaving him alone in the room, "I'll make arrangements for dinner." _

_When she returned, he was gone._

_..._

_"Wait… wait… I'm coming…I'm coming…" she scratched her tangled bed-hair and stumbled towards the front door of her apartment that was almost being brought down. _

_"Lieutenant. Open the door. Right now." She stopped few steps away from it. _

_"Kuchiki Taichou?" She stuttered. _

_"Open the door" he ordered again._

_She quickly ran her fingers through her messy hair, fruitlessly trying to tame the knots, pulled her loosely held yukata tight, fixed the obi and after taking in a sharp breath, she opened the door._

_Making her step back in defence, he stormed inside and closed the door shut behind him. In a blink she found herself being tightly em9braced and forcibly kissed._

_She gasped at the suddenness, her sleep was gone. "I need you." He breathed. _

_Anger and impatience in that tone scared her but she complied nevertheless. "Umm...okay." _

_His arms tightened around her waist and she found herself on her bed once again. He ignored the piles of sake bottle in the side, or their strong smell in that room._

_Straddling on top of her he peeled her clothes away. _

_Next, he stripped himself. "Are you okay to do this now?" He asked, fervently kissing her neck. _

_"Umm... yes" she gasped again, "but I do wish I had a little more time to have myself presentable."_

_"I assure you lieutenant, whatever you were wearing, I would've only wanted them off you." And with that he claimed her lips. She replied him back with equal force. _

_That night went passed them like storm. Once he was ready to leave, he muttered softly, "thank you."_

_He was grateful to her for letting him finally be selfish. _

_…_

**Love**

_Their routine became more and more normal as they made time for each other every few days. _The room_ would always be there, neatly cleaned and reorganized when they returned. The cleaners were doing their duties regularly while never bumping into them. _

_Any skip in that cycle would raise a slight annoyance in his mood. So when she had left him in cold for a few weeks he decided to find an excuse and visit her. _

_"I thought we had already finished our discussions. Taichou is taking his lunch or something now. I never know what he's up to. So, he probably won't be back for some time." Rangiku controlled her trembling voice, sounding annoyed, albeit with much effort on her part, trying not stare at the silver haired captain of the third squad. "So you better come back later."_

_Ichimaru Gin leaned back on her captain's desk, facing her, squinted eyes twinkling. His eternal smile followed, "Ahh don't be all that cold to me Rangiku san. I'm here to see you."_

_She scowled. "What do you want Gin. I've been present at all the meetings you've been having with Taichou. Now that they are finally finished, there is no reason for you to be here."_

_"Oh? I think there is. How about to say 'hello'… to you?"_

_"You never say 'hello' to me."_

_"Don't I?" She had barely seen him move, and suddenly she found herself standing on her feet, with his arms around her. "Maybe we should fix that."_

_"Gi...Gin..." she stuttered._

_"I know, I shouldn't have waited until now" his smooth voice melted away all her pride and scorn, "I should've said my 'hello' as soon as I came back." _

_His forehead rested on hers._

_She felt herself giving in. Squinted eyes twinkled at her reaction as she clutched his sleeves helplessly, looked up through her eyelashes._

_"Hello... Ran chan." He lowered his face to her and she closed her eyes automatically, waiting for the feel of his lips on hers. _

_Instead of a kiss, a subtle snickering followed. _

_She froze. He was playing with her. With her hands on his shoulder, she pushed him away irritably._

_"Come now Ran chan. It was just a little joke." _

_"You should leave, Gin."_

_His smile widen. Slender fingers gripped her arms tight and shoved her against the wall. "I've missed you" he added, pressing his lips on her neck. _

_She could feel her anger weakening as his familiar scent clouded her judgement. The coolness of his skin against hers soothed her pain of longing, his strong grip around her waist was flattering her bruised self-esteem. _

_"Gin" the firmness in her voice had disappeared and once again she heard how desperate she sounded. _

_His mouth trailed on the skin of her neck towards her chest, sending a series of shiver down her spine. _

_"Why did you leave for so long?" She asked, closing her eyes shut, savouring his soothing touch._

_"Let's not talk about work" he pulled her close, his soft kisses trailed up her neck, heading towards her lips. _

_Breathing in, she looked into his eyes, they weren't the pair of always amused blue eyes anymore. He was serious, no playful evil grin hiding his true face, his lips drooped to the sides in all its seriousness, reaching for hers. _

_She held her breath. _

_Knock knock knock. The door to the tenth squad office slid open and a face no one expected stepped in._

_His grey eyes jumped from Rangiku's crimson cheeks to Gins wicked smile, and the strange awkward distance between them. _

_"Kuchiki Taichou" he approached him with lips curled up as high as the frown on Byakuya's face was drooped down. "How are you faring with your squad? It feels like we haven't spoken in years."_

_His eyes once again rested on Rangiku who looked surprised and annoyed at the same time. He deducted, he had walked in on something he shouldn't have. "Well, Ichimaru Taichou. I was looking for Shiba Isshin. His absence means I should leave." _

_"Don't postpone your plans on my account. Please, stay and wait for his return. I shall catch up with my..." his hair shook as he looked at her over his shoulder, "... acquaintance later." _

_He watched as their eyes lingered on one another for a moment before Gin walked passed him and left the office. _

_Rangiku sighed and patted the back of her hair, "what can I do for you Kuchiki Taichou?"_

_For a moment he contemplated the situation. What he had walked in, explained her absence and her lack of interest in him. Whether or not he needed her company, was entirely his problem now._

_"Nothing. It seems that you are busy with your affairs lieutenant. I shall not impose mine."_

_He turned to leave. _

_"Captain" she stopped him at the door, walking up to him. The hesitance and nervousness in her stance were clear as she played with the necklaces. Looking down she muttered, "I'm sorry captain. I couldn't be anywhere else this past few weeks. He... he has been acting weird since his return. I... I needed to wait and see... if anything changes...between us. Meanwhile..." her stunning blue eyes rested on him. "I will not hold it against you if you find someone else in my stead." _

_He never thought about the possibility of another. Despite the logic, the idea seemed to make him uncomfortable._

_"I see." He slid the door open. "Good luck." _

_As he strode towards his own office, a slight disappointment darkened his mood. _

_"You two do seem to be going along well, ne?" _

_He stopped and turned. Ichimaru was standing, leaned against the wall of the alley he had just passed. _

_"I don't know what you're referring to captain."_

_He snickered again and Byakuya's eyes widen when he suddenly found himself standing very close to him. _

_Gin stood next to him, facing the opposite direction and muttered in his ear, "I'd watch out for that lieutenant. She has a way of dragging you into trouble."_

_"Ichimaru Taichou" something about his comment annoyed him. The girl was head over heels for this man, who did not only ignored her, he played with her feelings like it didn't matter at all. Now, he was talking behind her back. _

_"I do not appreciate such gossips."_

_"Gossip?" His expression was of mocked surprise. "Oh no. It's the truth." _

_He stepped away from Byakuya and continued with a smile, "just like the one you don't want that pretty wife of yours to find out." _

_Byakuya felt all the blood in his face disappearing. _

_"Anyway…" Gin glided himself away from Byakuya, "if I were you, I would think twice about what I'm playing with. Gotta go now. I'll see ya around Kuchiki Taichou. Ja."_

_The proceeding few moments after the man left, Byakuya stood frozen. _

_A part of him was terrified. He didn't want Hisana's innocence ruined by his sins. Ichimaru wasn't the kind to be trusted with a secret. Knowing him, he would spill it just for the sake of fun. _

_Another part of him was angry. He wanted to retrace his steps and find Rangiku, and tell her what the man she was in love with was capable of. For his own amusement, he would not hesitate to expose her._

_He didn't get to tell her at that time, but the opportunity came sooner than he expected._

_..._

_"Hello Rangiku" Gin's smile sent a bunch of butterflies squirming in her stomach._

_"Gin," she muttered hesitantly, taking her seat next to him. Her light pink yukata together with her freshly brushed hair, made a perfect picture against the golden light of the sunset. She even found a flower to stick in her hair. _

_Slowly he took her hand in his and pulled it near his grinning mouth. "Looking lovely as always."_

_She blushed unexpectedly as he kissed the back of her hand and scooted close to him. _

_Without wasting another minute he kissed her. But she took his intended innocent kiss and turned up the heat within seconds. Minutes later, both panted against each other as she leaned on his chest with him keeping himself up on his elbows. _

_He grinned, "I had forgotten how good you are." Her eyes fluttered at the compliment, she rested her head on his chest. _

_It was an evening she had been waiting for months and years. The joy she felt, couldn't be compared to anything. _

_Rangiku looked around his apartment with a slight interest. "Nothing has changed." she observed, softly running her hand on the couch she had last sat, no less than several months ago. _

_"Were you expecting it to?" he grinned from the door and glided his way towards her. His slender hands snaked around her waist gracefully and he nuzzled on her neck._

_"I don't know." She muttered, and let him lead her to the bedroom._

_"Gin" she sounded strangely melancholic as she lied on her back, letting him tug on her cloths. _

_"Rangiku." he wasn't smiling, he was always serious when he was with her. _

_His cool skin comforted her in its strange way. Slender fingers hooked around the collar of her yukata to make an opening for his hand to slide in. _

_"I've missed you." his rare sullen voice revealed his honesty._

_She sighed happily, relishing the sense of belonging she felt being surrounded by him. _

_"I've missed you too." She gasped as his tongue and lips played with her earlobe, hands sliding up her thigh through the parted slit of her yukata. _

_"Gin," she muttered after a moment, "I know you love me."_

_He froze on her neck. _

_She reached for his face. "Stop denying." _

_Their eyes locked for a brief silent moment. Within a split second his smile returned. Squinted eyes turned cold and merciless, "I know you fucked Kuchiki."_

_Her whole body became limp. The wider her eyes became in shock, the wider became his grin. Grabbing her hands away from his face he pinned them down to her side, and he kissed her. _

_She felt a drop of tear rolling down the side of her face as she felt her whole body losing its ability to move._

_He pulled away and cruelly stared down at her, "What? No kiss for me no more?" He mocked her with a pout._

_Her heart crushed painfully under the wave of humiliation and pain she felt, she turned away hiding the rolling tear down the side of her face."Do you care?" She bit her lips, holding the sob in._

_He cocked his head sideways, "care?"_

_"Would it bother you, if I had fucked someone else?"_

_"_If_ you?" He snickered, "my dear, are you denying it?"_

_She refused to answer. _

_After a moment of silence, he leaned in again, placing his lips next to her neck, "come now Ran chan. You don't want to ruin the mood, do you?" He slid his hand further up her thigh, "let's just have some fun while we can shall we?" _

_She pushed him away heatedly and sat up. He rolled away on the side._

_"If you don't love me Gin, I want you to say it clearly. I'll leave you in peace. You won't have to deal with me anymore." she spoke firmly, looking down at her own lap._

_"Man like me do not love Matsumoto Fukutaichou." He muttered, then looked at her face, "but you knew that all along didn't you, Rangiku?"_

_She looked at him over her shoulder for a second, then wordlessly crawled down from the bed to fix up her clothes._

_"I can't do this anymore." Her voice was that of the calm before a storm. "Please don't come to me anymore."_

_"You know I can't do that." _

_She stopped at the door, and without turning she knew he wasn't smiling or grinning. He was serious. "I can't not come to you Ran chan." _

_"I'm sorry Gin" she rested her forehead on the door, letting the tear flood her cheeks, "I want... I need more than that. I need more you."_

_He sat in the darkness, barely moving. "Ran chan..."_

_"I love you Gin. I love you so much it hurts. I wish... you'd be honest about your feelings... like you used to be. I don't know what happened to you, but I know you're still the same boy who would pick flowers for me every time you returned from yours trips. You're still the same Gin who would cook for me when I was sick, who would rather shiver and sneeze in the cold than letting me find the firewood." _

_He sat still like a statue. _

_"Gin. You're the boy who found me, saved me, and loved me when I had nothing. And now when I have the love I want to give you, you refuse it. Why Gin?"_

_The silence in that room said all that was needed to be said. Slowly she controlled her trembling body and walked out of his apartment. _

_..._

**Goodbyes**

_"She's very pretty." She sat down next to him. His motionless pose was all the welcome she needed._

_Both watched the crowd of dirty children playing around the raven haired wife of the nobleman, dressed in the simplest clothing, getting her hands dirty in a rundown building in the middle of a poor Rukongai neighbourhood. _

_"She is." _

_Rangiku pulled her knees together and rested her face on it. "I'm sorry."_

_He looked at her through the corner of his eyes._

_"I'm alone again." She added. _

_He hid a sigh and turned to look at his wife from the high vantage point. Hisana had no idea that he was watching her like this._

_"Ichimaru knows."_

_She sighed. "I know."_

_His eyes narrowed when he looked at her, "are you okay?" _

_She sat in silence for a second before smiling, "Maybe." Then she looked at him, "Are you?" _

_He didn't want to respond to that._

_She sighed and stood up, "well...I better leave you to it."_

_Before she jumped he said, "Lieutenant, I'll be there. See you soon." _

_A slight smile touched her lips before she disappeared. She had always liked his goodbyes._

_..._


	9. Mistakes

**Chapter 9**

**Mistakes:**

The moment she realised her mistake, it was too late. She couldn't anything about the fact that she was awake. Fruitlessly, she closed her eyes, trying to bring back the night that stormed passed her like a dream.

The soft light of the morning sun tingled the skin of her naked shoulder with its warmth, as she scrunched up her face irritably. Without stirring, she peaked through her curtain of hair at the pink-orange glow that surrounded her.

The bed was warm so were the sheets, under which her bare body laid perfectly comfortable, even with the cool breeze that frequented through the open walls. Resting her cheek on her pillow, she moved her head up slightly.

His face was frown free, peaceful, black hair messy from their last night's venture. Her skin prickled at its remembrance, making her want to reach out and touch him. Instead, she watched the steady rise and fall of his chest while he slept soundly, not effected by the chirping wild birds welcoming the morning.

She couldn't find a valid reason to stir from her vantage point, or waking him up. And then eventually, leaving this place. Letting a satiated smile skim her lips she closed her eyes again, wanting to sink back into her dreams.

_Byakuya._

Her eyes opened in shock. The echo of his name from the depth of her half dream, shook her into wakefulness.

Her lips felt heavy, aching to spill his name out of them. Her eyes darted towards him again, and she took in a sharp breath.

He stirred. And she closed her eyes shut, wishing her heart into calming down from its slowly accelerating speed, pretending she was still sleeping.

The fabric around her moved with slight rustles. She felt her long wayward strands of hair that were sprawled all over the place, being brushed away, and a warm breath hitting her face.

"Lieutenant."

He called her softly, she lied motionless, eyes closed. His rough palms brushed on her cheek, which warmed up at his touch.

"Rangiku."

This was softer, fainter, and barely audible. But she heard, and she finally moved.

Catching his eyes, suddenly she was conscious of him. Not as a man, or a person. But as someone that was important to her. Someone that was warm and alive, breathing and moving. Someone, that was more than just a need, more than just a routine.

"Byakuya." she whispered, no other words came to her.

He rolled and she was once again underneath him, playing her part of submitting to his actions.

It was a different kind of heat in his gaze she couldn't break out of. And somehow, she needed it. She wanted it.

His long black hair slid around her face when he kissed her.

No words interfered with the moment as they continued kissing. And then they kissed some more. The never ending slow kisses led to more kisses, until it became hard to breathe.

Heated fog between them smouldered her skin, yet her clouded eyes refused to miss the smallest chance to look upon his. Except, while they were busy continuing with more kisses.

She never knew they could be this long, or this fulfilling. A part of her consciousness was contently sighing. And even if they didn't do anything more than just kissing, it would still be contently sighing.

But he clearly had more in mind. His one hand gently slid down from her cheeks to her waist, holding her down firmly, his knees pushed her legs apart, making his intentions clear, while his other hand tried to mould her into an impassioned mess. Her lips parted mid-kiss to let out a gasp, allowing him to deepen himself further, exploring, tasting, and plunging in for more pleasure.

"Good morning" he breathed against her lips when they finally parted, the sound of his desire was clear as the day in his warm, deep voice.

"Ummh" words were not her strong suit at that moment with her wit scattered all over the place. She whimpered a little, trying to cover up the moan that was threatening to come out. "G...good morning... captain."

"Should we... continue... for... more?" He finally headed south, pulling her legs around him, mouth and lips found her breasts.

"Uuu" her attempt at a 'yes' poorly failed as the temperature rose all around her. He understood the meaning nevertheless, and slowly climbed back up with his lips tracing the soft her contours which was the perfect contrast to his war trained rock hard muscles. His coarse palms stroked her gently, mouth playfully nibbling on her neck, and his other hand moved down from the curve of her arched spine towards her back, and ended in caressing her thigh.

She gasped out loud at a sudden strong tug pulling her up on his lap as he sat up, fingers digging into the soft flesh of her back, holding her steady against him, his hard leg muscles rippled underneath her. Brushing his nose against her lips he muttered, "I'll trade you for another kiss."

She didn't need to be told as she ran her fingers in his hair and tilted his head before devouring him. She wondered why it was hard to stop kissing.

"Huh..." she panted against his mouth, elbows on his shoulders, fingers tangling themselves into his black slick streams of hair.

They met each other's eyes again during this brief halt, his dark eyes afire with emotions, pleaded for her consent.

She rested her forehead on his, letting her hair hide their flushed face, brightly colourful in the morning's sun.

_Byakuya._

A part of her wanted to chant his name in repeat as she closed her eyes and felt his arms pulling her close, closer and as close to him as possible. As if to become together, as one.

"Rangiku..."

Her eyes shot open again, but his was closed, brushing his nose against her cheeks, moving his hips faintly, in impatience.

"You said my name..." she let her lips touch the tip of his nose, stretching out this little moment before all became another blur. "Again."

"Forgive me..." he said remorselessly, continuing to pull her into the position he wanted her the most.

She disobeyed, and instead, kissed his cheeks, "umm... I like it..."

His eyes opened at her confession, "then, let me... make love to you... Rangiku..."

Before he finished she captured his mouth in hers again, pouring all her heart and soul into it.

It was the perfect moment when once again their eyes exchanged their wordless feelings at the end of that kiss, both more than ready to set the bed on fire when the fluttering wings of a black butterfly made them look up.

A silent disappointment ruined everything that had led unto this moment. His hand left her back to reach for the butterfly.

"I need to leave. Now."

She leaned and placed a soft kiss on his collar before sliding down, feeling the chill on her skin from the absence of his warmth, she covered her body shining in the soft glow, with a sheet.

He found his puddle of clothes and with swiftness he donned it.

For a moment, she was saddened. Sitting on the futon, she was staring after him when he stopped before flash stepping away as if he had suddenly remembered something.

Every inch of her body was resonating to an unknown frequency as he dug his tongue into her mouth for one last kiss that almost undid her.

"We're going to continue when I'm back" he muttered against her lips before pulling away.

For hours afterward, the sensations he made her feel all morning, left her stomach doing summersaults, as she tried to ignore the small dark clouds of an unnamed dread appearing behind the bliss of that day.

...

**Mistakes part 2:**

Soft pitter-pattering of rain distracted her from her procrastination, and she looked out the window.

Afternoons had become quite dull since the rain had started. It was always wet, always gloomy and always kind of blue.

Biting her lips lazily she stared at the steady drizzle, face rested on her hand.

"Matsumoto" she turned, "Meeting. Now." Like a flash of white light, her captain came and disappeared. She sighed, and pulled herself up.

"What took you so long?" He barked irritably without looking. She rolled her eyes. They were in fact early, the other captains and lieutenants had only just started walking in through the door.

"Achooo" She replied with a sneeze, and took her place behind him, rubbing her nose. "I'm exhausted Taichou. All those paperwork you made me do..."

Unexpectedly, his arm shot up to her forehead, and he frowned, "You're hot."

"Oh. You've finally noticed?"

She grinned wickedly before he snapped, "just go home, and take the day off after the meeting."

She gasped, "Really? Are you sure you'd be able to..." she trailed off as her eyes locked at the entrance.

Her mouth parted a little with a barely audible gasp. But quickly she controlled her expression.

He was back.

Followed by his lieutenant, he glided towards his position gracefully, not letting his eyes wander towards anything but the path in front of him.

"What is it?" Her captain looked at her, "are you feeling okay Matsumoto?"

"Yes. Of course, I am." She wasn't sure, but he might've shot a quick glance towards her from his location few feet away.

"You look red." Toshiro's eyes narrowed.

Thankfully, the captain commander walked in, and she was relieved from her pressure to answer his queries.

"I wasn't joking about the break. Go home." With that, her captain left her stranded at the exit after the meeting. She sighed, ready to head towards her quarter.

A prickling on her neck made her turn around, and she saw the corner of his haori disappear behind the bend. After a moment of thinking, she decided to follow him.

"Captain."

He stopped and turned. His usual cold stare instantly confirmed her worries of her following him being a mistake.

"You're back." She didn't know what else to talk about. "Welcome."

He silently watched her for a moment before nodding, "are you well?"

"I am. You?"

His silent stare told her he wasn't in the mood to chitchat. He nodded slightly.

"Well... I'll see you around." Playing with the corner of her scarf, she stepped back.

"Matsumoto." She looked over her shoulder. "I thought you knew that we should not be conversing openly like this. Be careful to not make the same mistake again."

He turned on his heels and left.

She sighed. Three weeks, and this was what she had been craving for?

...

"You're soaked" she exclaimed, opening her door to a rain drenched Byakuya.

He stepped inside, dripping on her floor.

"Here" she handed him a towel, which he made a good use of before sitting down on her lounge.

She nervously scratched her neck while taking her seat next to him, "I didn't think you'd want me at _the room_ this afternoon. You've only returned this morning."

He sat like a robot before standing up. "If you don't want me here, I can leave."

She followed him, "but it's still raining."

"There is no reason for me to be here."

She grabbed the back of his yukata to stop him from reaching for the door. "Don't go."

He turned on his heels like a storm, picking her up into his arms. "I didn't intend to leave when I arrived here. I promised to continue where we left of… Lieutenant. I would like to keep it."

"I thought you've forgotten about it..." She whispered shyly with her back on her living room couch.

"I couldn't have forgotten it even if I tried" his wet, cool skin sent her to shivers, and her stomach made strange flips at his confession.

There were more truth to it than it seemed. Without stopping for a single breath, they were there. Frantically, catching up with the missing weeks of each other's company. She could almost see his body visibly relax afterwards.

As they laid, in the afterglow of lovemaking, he asked, "Do you have a fever? You're very warm."

"No." She nuzzled on his neck, fingers tracing the muscles of his chest.

A moment later he got up and reached for his clothes, she sighed loudly.

"Is something bothering you?" His brows raised an inch as he busied himself with his clothes.

She asked questioningly. "Why?"

"You seem a little... different."

Different. She felt that unnamed dread that stirred in her stomach.

"Nothing different... I'm just a little under the weather, is all. Just tired from work. But I took the afternoon off so hopefully I'll be running around in no time."

"Very well" he headed for the door.

"Byakuya."

He stopped.

Tying her clothes loosely around her she padded towards him.

His eyes widen when she snaked her arms around him and rested her head on his chest. "For a moment I thought you had forgotten that night."

Forgotten? No. A mistake? Probably.

He hesitated, "I have not."

"It was amazing. I never got to tell you that."

"Yes, it was. Forgive me for not mentioning it either."

"Why did you do it?" She asked without moving away, feeling him stiffening against her. "Why did you… treat me like… I was special… to you?"

They stood in silence for a long moment before she gave up on an answer from him. With a sigh, she pulled back and placed a kiss on his cheek. "I'll see you later then captain."

"Because..." his hesitant voice made her look at him again, "you deserved it."

After a brief moment of deep gaze at her, he slowly walked out. That confession was definitely a mistake, he thought to himself on his way back.

...

**In sickness**

"Ha... ha... ha..." She had only circled the area twice and she was already having a hard time catching her breath. For a moment she thought maybe she was still drunk from last night.

She shook her head and jumped again to start her next round of patrolling. The next moment she was on her knees, clutching her stomach, feeling like the whole world was spinning around her.

"How many times do I have to tell you, Matsumoto? You've been sneezing coughing and looking like a zombie for days. If you don't get yourself checked up by Unohana Taichou today, don't bother coming to work tomorrow. I'm not having my other subordinates abandon their duties to carry you back."

"I said I was fine."

"Go to the fourth squad, right now. It's an order." Her captain had always had an angry way of showing that he cared.

She sighed and got up from the couch. Medical check-ups were always such drag.

"Matsumoto san" turned to see Unohana Taichou entering the door. "Thank you for waiting while I checked your blood."

Her eyes narrowed as she watched the captain of the fourth slowly walk around the desk to take her seat.

"What's wrong with me?" She had never been severely sick, but the absence of Unohana Taichou's smile made her feel fragile for the first time in her life.

…

**Shit's gonna get real from now on. Well, I guess shit had been pretty real for this fic from the beginning. **


	10. Crime & Punishment: Part 1

**Chapter 10 Crime and Punishment: Part 1 **

**Crime**

"Matsumoto."

She stirred from her couch, where she laid on her stomach.

"Open the door. I know you're in there."

"Taichou..." she muttered, trying to pull herself up, contorting her face in irritation and pain.

Without looking, he stomped passed her as soon as she opened the door. "It's almost 2 pm and you're still sleeping? I already gave you 3 days sick leave." Turning around, his turquoise eyes widen as he took in her state. "Matsumoto?" Instantly the tone of his voice changed.

"I'm still a little ill..." she looked drowsy, exhausted, resting her weight on the wall, barely standing on her feet.

"Matsumoto! What's wrong?" he pulled her straight and sat her down on the couch.

"It's nothing. I'll be fine. It's just taking a little longer to get better..." she clutched her head, teeth bared in pain.

"Headaches?" He asked, placing his hand on her forehead. She nodded. "Did you see Unohana Taichou as I told you to?"

Her eyes darted towards the corner of her kitchen countertop where she kept all her medicines.

He followed her gaze and barked, "Are these the medicine she gave you? Did you take them on time?"

"Umm... yes," she muttered nervously, which fumed his anger. Like a flash he grabbed the bottles, dropped them on the table in front of her and started rummaging through them.

"Which one is it? These look unopened. If she had prescribed these, why didn't you take them?"

"Taichou..." she reached and grabbed the bottle whose seal he was about to crack open. "I don't need to take those yet."

His eyes narrowed, "what did she say? What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing serious. Just a little cold."

He studied her with disbelief in his narrowed eyes. "You're lying."

"I'm not lying, I swear..." Suddenly she covered her mouth with her hand and ran towards the bathroom.

While hearing his lieutenant throwing up in her toilet, Toshiro folded his arms, deep in his thoughts.

"Matsumoto" his voice was softer, gentler and caring when she returned. "Tell me what's wrong?"

She looked at him from her seat next to him, he placed a hand on hers. Finally her tears started streaming down.

...

Kuchiki Byakuya never begged, asked or pleaded. He was a proud man who would never go knocking on any doors. Whatever he wanted, needed, deserved, he received without lifting a finger. That was the luxury of being born a noble. All his wishes and desires were taken care of by people who waited on him, and they were quite happy to do it.

Yet somehow, he was always ending up at her door. He did not lack self-restraints, or control over his own desires, except that it would all build up in due course. And making his lieutenant suffer more than usual, was not nearly enough relaxing or fulfilling.

He also did not like waiting. Impatience was in his nature. Thus, despite the many times he had consciously stopped himself, his feet would ultimately betray him.

And so, once again, he stared at her door in silence, while his blood raged to claim what he wanted. Taking in a deep breath with his jaws clenched, he knocked.

The noise was soft, she might not have heard it. He knocked again. After a long wait, her door slid open slightly, one side of her face emerged from the dark.

"Matsumoto."

Her single blue eye enlarged in surprise. "Kuchiki..." she muttered, keeping the opening narrow.

"Do you have a moment?" He seemed upset, not that his face would show. But she knew every single twitch of his feature and what they all meant. Did he miss her?

"I...I have things to do..." her fingers tighten at the door.

"The same thing you have been doing for the past couple of weeks?" Finally, his patience ran thin.

"I'm sorry. I was kind of busy at work… I couldn't..." she stuttered, clutching her door.

"Matsumoto" he shoved the door open, she startled a little, stepping back. "Don't think I didn't notice you avoiding me consciously whenever I felt your reiatsu close by."

"Why...would I avoid you..." she pulled her loosely held yukata protectively around her anxiously.

He glowered and looked over her shoulder into the living room. It was a mess. During his infrequent visits in her apartment, he had never seen it in such state.

"Matsumoto. Is something the matter?"

"No" she wished he would go away. Seeing him had already made the decision harder. "Kuchiki Taichou, I don't feel very well..."

He pushed her aside and stormed into the apartment.

"Matsumoto. If you wish to end things between us, you should let your intentions known instead of running away."

"I don't want things to end..." she mumbled under her breath, looking guiltier by the minute.

He looked at her and narrowed his eyes, "are you ill?"

"A little maybe."

His frown deepened, "Have you gotten yourself checked by the fourth?"

"Yes."

His eyes wondered, and found a lone bottle standing on her table. Next to it, spoons and glasses were at the ready.

"What is this?" He asked.

She looked at him with fear. "Umm...it's nothing..." she continued stuttering.

He picked it up, "These herbs have very strong side effects if consumed. I hope you weren't thinking about taking this."

She chuckled nervously before trying to steer the conversation away, "no, of course not. Don't worry about all these captain..." Swiftly she reached and picked the bottle away from his hands, and shoved it back into a corner, behind her flower vase that housed dried forgotten wilted flowers.

He narrowed his eyes in suspicion "Matsumoto. What is the matter..."

Before he could prod any further, she turned and wrapped her arms around his neck, "I know I wasn't in the mood, but since you're here already..." Reaching up on her toes she kissed him.

The topic of medicine and illness, or why she had suddenly changed her attitude towards him were instantly gone from his mind as he kissed her back equally enthusiastically, pulling her close by her waist.

"Ahh... wait..." he was about to pull her yukata apart when she pushed him away, her hands were on her mouth.

"What is the matter..."

"Excuse me..." hastily she slid away from him off the bed and ran towards the bathroom.

After once again vomiting everything she had eaten all day, she pulled herself back together, spending all her energy in the process. Cleaning herself as quickly as possible, she ran out, not wanting to rise his suspicions.

"I'm sorry it took me so long..." she froze when she stepped back in her room. In his hands were the pouches of medicinal herbs and potions she had left lying around. His eyes narrowed to slits trying read their labels in the little light.

"All these unopened medicinal herbs..." he picked up the small bottle with green label, then the pouch of dried roots. "Why do you have these?"

She could feel her breathing weighing her down, "it's not what you think..."

"Not what I think? I don't claim to be an expert in healing arts but... these are... "

"These are..." she rested her weight on the wall and steadied herself, eyes desperate to find the words she was looking for. "They are... for..."

"Matsumoto" he took a step towards her, "I could hear you throwing up in the bathroom." His grey eyes were burning, "are you... "

She felt her limbs turning numb. He knew. She panted against her palm that she held firmly over her mouth, hyperventilating. Her eyes fixed on his, watching with amazement how his cold blank face changed with no subtly whatsoever. His whole emotion laid bare for the world to see.

"Are you... with child?"

She shuddered, losing her control that she had so carefully held only moments ago. She leaned on the wall further, knees about give away under her.

"Matsumoto" he was in front of her in an instant, pulling her straight on her feet. She felt her arms going numb the way he dug his finger into them.

"Is it true?" He scowled, "tell me."

She panted, feeling the world turning around her, and she finally collapsed in his arms.

"Matsumoto..." his voice shook as he held her. It was softer than she had ever heard it sound. "Are you carrying my child?" His chin rested on her head.

She clutched his collar and let the tear ran down her face. He held her gently against his chest.

They stayed like that for how long, none could tell. Her sob ended finally.

"Marry me."

She blinked.

Someone, somewhere, had pushed a button and time had stopped, world had stilled, and the air was gone from the room.

Two words. Such weight.

Shock of everything that happened before, felt miniscule against these two lonely words.

"What..." She slowly pulled back with her wide eyes jumping up to meet his, her mouth gaped like that of a fish out of water. As usual, his gaze held no element of mockery or humour.

A series of images ran across her mind. Being the wife of Kuchiki Byakuya, having him next to her, walking hands in hands with him, his soft smiles for her, his tender touches on her face and falling asleep in his arms to wake up to him in the morning.

A dream or a vision?

"Marry me, Matsumoto." words slowly registered in her head as he repeated his offer. She had never heard him sound so gentle.

She breathed in silence for a moment, trying to grasp her own feelings that were drowning her common sense. "What... are you saying" she stepped back. "You can't be serious? We're not even..."

"I am serious." He pulled her in again, hand clutching the clothes around her waist.

She took a good look at him.

The changes in him were tremendous. There nothing of the cold distance in his eyes. He was not the Kuchiki Byakuya who walked in her apartment a moment ago. He was different.

At that moment she found out something new about herself. She could almost feel her arms involuntarily trying to throw themselves around him and, her lips drying out for her reach up and kiss him, chest heaving to hold him close to her. She wanted to say 'yes'.

It turned her limbs cold in horror.

But then he looked away from her, gaze slowly lowered down towards her belly. The softness in that look almost killed her.

She pursed her lips tight, pushed him away. "No" she declared, avoiding his questioning gaze consciously.

For a moment he didn't think he heard it right. "What?"

"I'm sorry. I can't marry you." She peeled his arms off her.

The silence filled with the faint sounds of their heavy breathing. "I don't understand. You don't want our child growing up in a broken family, do you?"

"Captain..." she interrupted him. "I want no such thing. I want to avoid the situation all together."

He stared at her in silence for a moment before his eyes became large in realisation. Hid gaze turned towards direction where the lone bottle hid behind her flower vase.

He felt as if she had taken a knife and stabbed him in the chest. For a moment, he couldn't process it.

"This?" His voice shook her to her bones in fear. She took another step back. "This is what you plan to do with our child?"

She clutched her clothing around her chest, lips trembled in guilt and pain.

"You'd rather let it... die... than marry me?"

She didn't have to respond, he knew. Her eyelids lowered, gaze fixed on the ground.

Byakuya was back in his cold hell. That split moment when he thought he had found the happiness he was seeking, was suddenly a hundred years in the past. "It is my child too" he managed to talk through his clenched jaw.

She wanted to cry.

"I'll marry you right here, right now Matsumoto. You don't have to worry about its future or yours."

"I can't marry you." She muttered. Why did it feel like a lie? "Not like this." She added.

"Matsumoto." he had never begged in his life. But this time, it almost felt like he was.

"I'm sorry." She refused to witness the hurt and pain she inflicted in him.

"You've made up your mind?"

She nodded. Once again, silence pushed her guilt down heavier.

"How far along are you?" He asked, after a brief pause.

"5 weeks." she bit her lip, trying to control the tears that was threatening to fall.

"Why haven't you done it yet?"

She glanced at him, "I needed to tell you before I could do this. It was only right. I... just didn't know how."

Her reasons for avoiding him, going out of her way to stay completely out of his range, finally sunk in.

"Are we able to have a discussion at least?" He sounded like a man defeated.

The guilt-ridden look on her face told him everything he wanted to know. He tried one last time, "you don't have to marry me... or raise the child. I have enough servants, and means to..."

"Byakuya." She called him, "I'm not doing this because I'm too lazy, or too poor, or heartless..." she breathed, "I can't let my child grow up in a loveless life, like me... "

"Loveless? I'll love my child more than my life itself."

"That's not what I'm talking about..." she turned away. "Let's not make this worse..."

"Worse?" He clenched his fists tight, "how can it be any worse than the worst?"

She could feel her tears at the corner of her eyelids, "captain please..."

He stood like a statue for a moment, trying to cope with the shock. Then slowly stepped towards her. She cowered back until he knelt down in front of her.

His strong hand ripped her clothed apart, exposing her naked body, making her gasp.

Softly he grabbed her hips and pulled her towards him. Resting his forehead on her belly he closed his eyes and muttered, "You have no idea for how long I've waited for you baby. Wherever you end up, you should know how much love I have for you."

With her hands on her mouth she looked down at him with eyes as wide as anything, a couples of pearl tears trailed down her cheeks.

For a moment he stayed like that, then softly placing his lips on her belly one last time he stood up, allowing her to pull her clothes back.

"So this is it then. I wish you the best."

She turned her back to him, not finding any words to say. Leaving a wide gaping emptiness in the middle of her living room, his large frame strode out of the door. It was then she realised he was never going to come back.

"I'm sorry," she finally fell on her knees and sobbed out aloud.

…


	11. Crime & Punishment: Part 2

**Chapter 11: Crime & Punishment: Part 2**

**Punishment**

"Nii sama. Why are you not eating?" His sister eyed his dinner from the other side of the room.

He didn't bother looking at her. Unlike their usual dinner time, he completely ignored her presence, and his food.

"Nii sama?" Rukia raised her voice a little, trying to catch his attention.

He stared blankly at the wall, took a sip of water, and remained seething in the rage that boiled his blood and tore at his chest. Motionless, silent and oblivious to the world around him, he sat lost in his thoughts.

"Nii sama?"

His eyes ended at his palm opening and closing on his lap, recalling the feel of her belly against them. The baby was nothing more than a clot of tissue in her womb, yet knowing its existence, made the whole experience something ethereal. It was his future under his palm, almost at his grasp, his almost family.

Shuffling noises of her clothes when Rukia walked away from her table and sat down in front of him, failed to break his trance.

"Nii sama?" the closeness of her calling at last made him look. The worry in her voice reminded him that she too was his family. "Are you well Nii sama?"

He wasn't well. His unborn child was going to perish, he could never be well. He felt his anger raising up again. He wanted to punish someone.

"Rukia. There is something I have to tell you." He slowly, carefully calculated his words.

Her eyes widen as she watched her brothers face.

"Your sister, when she was alive, while we were still married..." the darkened gaze he shot her intensified, "I had an affair. I cheated on her."

The empty room heavily pressed around the two occupants as silence took over for the next few seconds. Her eyes, shiny and reflective, held his cold contemplation with emotions equally fierce.

He expected to see loathing in those eyes. He deserved it. This was to be his punishment.

"I know." Her lips barely moved.

And so, his walls of indifference shattered. With his lips parted a little, he dumbly stared back at the dark purple irises that mirrored her deep soul.

She breathed. "I know, because Nee sama knew too."

He had never been more astonished in his life. Words failed him as the fate of his unborn child laid momentarily forgotten.

Rukia sighed. It took her a long time to come to terms with this. Until one day she decided it wasn't her place to judge. She knew her brother had a heart, and he would do anything to save the people he loved, even get stabbed in the chest. She would trust him and his choices no matter what.

Byakuya was speechless, incapable to voice the questions at the tip of his tongue. This punishment was more severe than he had anticipated.

Rukia volunteered, "When I found out about my sister, I wanted to get to know her. I found few of the families in Rukongai who knew her. They told me that she would spend almost all of her time in Rukongai, looking after orphaned children. She had frequently told them about her constant guilt for always leaving you behind Nii Sama. And the strangest part was, she was somewhat relieved when she found out about your affair."

He took in a deep breath, trying get his brain cells to start working. Yet the next words he spoke came out unseemly and un-noble like, "Did she resent me?"

Rukia looked unprepared at first, then smiled faintly, "No, Nii sama. And I don't either."

He sat staring back at his palms again. The anger he felt moments ago, seemed to have numbed. His wife, his sister, his child, and _her_, everything that had any meaning to him, slowly started losing their significance.

She didn't care that he cheated on her. She didn't hate him, nor was she angry. She had just accepted it. He would've preferred to be hated. He would've preferred to continue believing that a slight bit of passion existed in her heart for him.

Yes. This was in deed the punishment he deserved. And he wanted to get away from it.

"Thank you Rukia." He stood up.

She watched him leave like a person weight down by pain. Not being sure of whether she had said something wrong, she refrained herself from going after him. If he wanted to be alone, he should have it.

He didn't know whether he was angry or guilty, or anything at all.

Just then, he realised how much he needed her. How much he wanted to wrap himself around her, feel her softness comforting his wounds, soothing them to nothingness, kissing away his pain into oblivion. To her, he was always welcome, he was always warm in her embrace, always wanted, desired.

But he couldn't go back there anymore. Whatever she gave him, was cancelled out the moment she decided to murder their child.

He was everything but forgiving.

...

A Baby. A little baby with little hands and feet. Part of her and him. A little bundle of adorable wiggling limbs and unintelligible combination of baby sounds.

With a soft smile hidden from everyone's view, she wondered about all that. Would the baby be a boy or a girl? Would it have her eyes or his? Would it have jet black hair like its father, or the wavy blonde locks like its mother?

At that point, the smile threatened to slip past her carefully controlled stoic as she leaned her weight on her elbows rested on her desk. The pile of pending paperwork, to make up for the physical activities she was being forced to miss, laid forgotten in front of her as all she could focus on were these thoughts of this unborn life.

She sighed, and her hand softly caressed her own belly, looking down fondly. She was going to be a mother. She had never imagined this could happen to her. The thought of motherhood or having her own family, had never crossed her mind.

She would call it her miracle.

Having babies naturally wasn't something natural for the habitants of Soul Society. The souls were recycled between the two realms and to keep balance, there was no need to create new ones here.

Therefore, pregnancies were rare. Due to them being souls and not bodies made of earthly flesh and blood, conceptions rarely occur. Most willing couples go through rounds of lengthy medical procedures, treatments, spells and potions. Naturally conceiving like her was nothing short of a miracle.

But, on the other hand, away from this majority of the souls, the secluded part of the noble population grew by this old fashion way. It was a considerably common occurrence for them. These noble families took pride in the purity of their blood, and had this one good reason behind their interbreeding.

So, her pregnancy was somewhat a shock, even for the head of the fourth squad. She wanted to study her, keep her in for constant watch with round the clock nurses monitoring her vitals, baby's development, and food and medicine intake. Unohana Taichou would've had it her way if she didn't confess that she wasn't planning to keep the baby. And even then, she shoved a pack of herbs in her hand, just in case she changed her mind.

And now those had finally come to use. It took her a while to decide, but she couldn't go through with her plans. The bottle of poison stayed hidden in that corner and forgotten.

On that fateful day, hours after he so speedily left her presence, she laid on her own pool of tears, reliving the moment he spoke to their baby through her.

She would never forget that moment. And with the pain came the realization that she didn't have what it took to take the life of her own child. No matter how hard a life it would be for her and the baby.

And as the days went passed her, the baby's presence grew more prominent, allowing her to realise she was finally not alone. This was the family she had been seeking all along.

And lastly, more and more every day, she wanted to get to know this person growing inside her.

...

"Renji."

Kuchiki Byakuya halted a moment while his lieutenant answered the call of one of his fellow shinigami.

"Please excuse me Taichou, it won't take long." He chuckled nervously.

"6 pm sharp. Don't miss it." Byakuya overheard them talking.

"Of course. Who else's going to be there? Any new addition?"

"Nah. Just us. We tried to find Rangiku san but apparently she hadn't been to work for few days."

"Yeah. I wouldn't have asked her anyway. She had gone completely cold turkey on us. Not even a drop of sake for the past month, can you believe it?"

"I wouldn't have if I didn't see it with my eyes. She actually ordered water in a pub..." both man shook their heads disapprovingly.

"Maybe she's ill. Once a tenth squader told me that she was always in the office, not doing any form of physical tasks whatsoever."

"Hmm. I hope she gets better soon. Drinking isn't fun without her around..."

"Renji" they turned to see Kuchiki Byakuya standing behind him, looking at them straight, "Matsumoto. She had been ill?"

Renji's first reaction was shock. His captain never poked his nose in to any conversation, no matter how interesting it was. And mostly, he had never been seen or heard being concerned about anyone's health other than his sister's.

"Well... we don't know. We haven't seen her around for days. She had stopped showing up for our drinks..."

"Renji. I trust you to take care of this task. I will see you at the office later."

Instantly, he was gone. Renji gaped at his direction for a moment before shrugging.

...

"Matsumoto..."

She could hear them, she wanted to respond, yet she couldn't through her groans.

"Matsumoto..."

"Rangiku san..."

She squirmed in pain, biting her lips bloody.

"Matsumoto..."

All of their voices jumbled up, tangled together and finally, the lights went out.

...

She was in there he could feel it. Her reiatsu was strong, and scattering unevenly everywhere. Waiting a while after knocking again, he pushed the door lightly. It moved. Quietly, he stepped inside. Everything was just as it was, nothing had changed, and nothing had moved in that half lit room.

Through the corner of his eyes, he spotted the medicine he once saw in her bedroom. They were opened and seemed to be being consumed. The poisonous bottle was nowhere to be seen. A faint smile appeared on his face.

She was on her bed, curled up in a ball with her back towards the door. He glided himself next to her.

"Matsumoto." He whispered.

She startled, and turned. After she sat up with much struggle, he leaned down with his knee on the bed. "What are you doing here?" She had barely finished her sentence when he had her in his arms. Her body seemed thinner, weaker, and frailer than usual. But he paid no mind.

"Matsumoto" he murmured on her shoulder.

"Kuchiki Taichou." The shock of being embrace so violently left her incapable to speak. He clutched her tight and stayed like that, taking in her warmth and scent.

"Thank you," he finally released her, taking a step back from their awkward position.

"What are you thanking me for?" She let her hair hide her face as she tried to pull her clothes straight.

"For keeping our baby."

Her hands froze at what they were doing. The puzzled look on her fatigued face changed instantly. She looked down and gather her knees to her chest.

"Matsumoto..." he watched her turning into another ball, "I assure you the baby will be taken care of, you will never have to worry..."

At that moment, the door slammed open and a rush of cold air shook his bones.

"Kuchiki Byakuya!"

Byakuya turned to face the pair of turquoise eyes trying to burn him down with cold flames.

"You, are the one?" Toshiro slammed him against the wall, fingers digging in his neck. "You did this to her?"

Byakuya quickly regained his composure and looked at him with calm eyes, "Hitsugaya Taichou..."

"Shut up. How dare you show up here? Stay away from her."

"I assure you captain, I mean her no harm."

"No harm?" His fingers gripped him tighter around his neck, "are you trying to be funny, Kuchiki? How can you mean her no harm, after what you've done?"

Byakuya figured that Hitsugaya knew about their affair, knowing how close the two of them were, she must've told him. "I want to take care of her."

The room became even colder as the rage Toshiro felt started seeping out of him, "take care of her? The only way you can do that by staying away. How dare you come here Kuchiki? After you've used her for your own pleasure and left her alone and pregnant? She had no one with her."

"That will not be any problem any longer, I will arrange people to..."

"Shut up!" He screamed, "Where were you when she was bleeding on the floor, alone and scared to death? There wasn't a single soul around to carry her to her bed. If I and Isane didn't find her, she would've been dead for all I know."

"Bleeding?" Byakuya's eyes became large in horror as they darted towards her.

"Taichou." Rangiku finally stirred and moved her blanket away from her, ready to slide down from her bed, "please don't do this..." she sounded tired.

"Don't talk Matsumoto. You always do this... get involved with these bastards who use you then leave you alone and hurt. Every time. I couldn't do anything to Ichimaru but this time, I will kill this bastard."

"Taichou. Stop this." She stepped in, trying to pull him away from Byakuya. "It's not your place to say something like that. It's none of your concern who I get involved with..."

His cold anger shifted towards her and slowly he released Byakuya. "None of my concern? None of my concern? Really?"

Rangiku took her stand between him and Byakuya, at an attempt to shield him from Toshiro, who didn't give a crap. His anger focused on her now.

"After everything I had done for you Matsumoto, you tell me, that this is _none of my concern_?"

"Taichou. I'm grateful for everything you had done for me. But what I do during my own time is my business only."

"Grateful ha?" Toshiro scowled, "I don't need or want your gratitude to in return for the love I have wasted on you."

As if he had just dropped a bomb in that room. She let a faint gasp escape her before her weak knees gave away, and she was about to fall on the floor before Byakuya caught her.

"Toshiro..." she muttered in disbelief, "You're not..."

"I'm bloody serious." he scowled wider. "But who cares what I feel about you. Because you'll never return my feelings. You only go after men like that, who won't give two shits about you. Well, suit yourself and die chasing after this cold hearted bastard. I'm officially done with this."

With that Toshiro dropped the bag of food he brought for her and stormed out if there.

"Taichou… don't go…" she pleaded at his direction, then hid her face under her palms sobbing, while Byakuya held her straight tight.

...

"I guess you already know. I've lost the baby, Kuchiki Taichou." Rangiku looked up from her bed and tried to conjure a smile for him, which failed miserably.

"Are you okay?" was the only thing he could say.

She tried to nod but the tears that rolled down said the total opposite. She pulled her knees close once again.

"I'm sorry I lost our baby." She refused to meet his scrutinizing gaze as the silence set in. "I guess now you don't have to worry about marrying a street rat like me." She tried to smile again, which made this situation even more miserable.

He frowned. "Even though I will never know how you're feeling, I know that you're not okay. You do not need to force yourself to act like this."

She watched him, her fake smile was gone from her face. Coldly, she said her next words, "then please leave me alone captain. I can't worry about your feelings and mine at the same time."

He stood up after a while, then left with a slight nod at her way.

She rolled back on her bed and closed her eyes, losing herself to the emptiness that surrounded her from the outside and inside.

In the space of few days she had lost everything, her child, the meaning to her existence, ability to smile, and the man who was almost the father of her child.

Maybe she had this coming. The punishment to all her sins.

...

Losing her baby was the most traumatic experience of her life. The fear of vulnerability was worse than the pain that had almost made her lose her sense few times, until she finally did. If Isane didn't find her, it would've been a living nightmare.

For all the blood, cramping, nausea and dizziness, she wasn't nearly enough upset as she was when she realised her baby was gone. The life she had loved, cherished, and longed to hold in her arms was never going to exist, and it tore her into pieces.

Toshiro knew, and even after their little squabble he came back every day with bags of food for her. Albeit he would be grumpy and barely conversable, but he was there, only an arm's length away from her.

That was much more than Byakuya could say for himself. Toshiro had become overprotective and set out barriers around her apartment, preventing anyone to come close to that place without him knowing.

So he found another way.

"Matsumoto" she turned on her way back to the office from the fourth squad.

She was looking healthier, yet the bags under her eyes were still there. "Kuchiki Taichou!" She exclaimed.

He swiftly landed next to her, "are you well?"

It had already been more than a week, she was back to normal, as if she was never pregnant. She sighed, nodded and smiled, "yes. I am."

"Is there something I can do for you?"

"There's nothing you can do for me captain."

They walked in silence for a moment before they were almost at the tenth squad.

"You better leave. My captain might just release his bankai today." She chuckled lightly.

"I didn't know he... had feelings for you."

"Neither did I." her smile evaporated instantly.

"I'm glad for you. He will keep you happy."

She stopped suddenly, face unreadable. "I...I'm not..."

"You don't have to say anything. I understand." She stared at his back, and the long black air that played with the breeze. "You had always been there for me when I needed someone. I failed to return the favour..."

"Don't say that. You don't know how many times you've saved me from myself."

"I should say this. You're an extremely beautiful woman. And that is the least of your qualities. You should never let anyone treat you any less than the amazing woman and the shinigami you are. Not even the people you love." He sighed, missing the wide eyed stare she shot at him, "I think this is where we should part our ways, for good."

She stood still as a statute as he turned at her slightly and she noticed his lips curled up into a smile, "I thank you for showing me that the world can be more than just duties and responsibilities. You've taught me more than I can ever learn from any book. Goodbye Matsumoto Rangiku. I do not regret a single second of my time with you."

She couldn't move for moments after he was gone. A part of her was emptier than usual. For some reason her eyes burnt.

...


End file.
